


Loki, You Are Loved

by AlexKingOfTheDamned, swimsalot



Category: The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-22 17:19:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/612293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexKingOfTheDamned/pseuds/AlexKingOfTheDamned, https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimsalot/pseuds/swimsalot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is banished to Earth for 200 years when he is brought news of Thor's sudden death, and forced to come back to Asgard and be king in Thor's place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The trip back to Asgard was a quiet one. Though they were bound to one another across the bridge with their hands on either side of the tesseract, Thor still had his hand on Loki's shoulder, holding him firmly in place. As if he could go anywhere anyway, with the bindings holding his hands in place and his mouth shut.   
  
Everything came back into focus from a hazed, rainbow blur, and Loki found himself looking around what he was certain was the bifrost that had been destroyed when he fought Thor all those weeks ago.   
  
Noticing his quiet, inquisitive look, Thor gave a bitter snort as Heimdall pulled the sword from its place. "As it turns out, time passes much slower on Earth than it does here. You have been absent from our lives for two years. We had plenty of time to recreate the bridge and the bifrost."   
  
He tugged insensitively at the chains binding Loki's hands together as they started down the long path that would take them back to the palace.   
  
As they grew closer to his old home Loki began to struggle against his bonds. He had been aware of his final destination from the start but now that he was looking at it he couldn't ignore the apprehension and hatred building inside him. It was here that he had lost everything and now it was to be the place of his final judgement and possibly his execution.  
  
Attempting to break free was a futile effort and he was smart enough to give in gracefully after the first few minutes before he began to look foolish. He settled on sending his best death-glare at his former brother. This was all his fault. If it hadn't been for him none of this would have happened.  
  
They stopped just outside the front gates of the city, at the very edge of the rainbow bridge. Thor sighed, and reached forward to unclasp the makeshift muzzle that had been fastened around his mouth.   
  
"Do you have anything to say to me personally before we enter the court room and your fate is decided?" he asked, trying not to get his hopes up. "There is a chance you will not come out of it alive, and anything left unsaid will remain such."   
  
Loki's glare was murderous. He knew his chances of surviving this day were slim and he certainly didn't need Thor rubbing it in. He was so smug, so arrogant. How had he missed it as a child? Had he really been so blinded by his awe that he had been oblivious to his friend's faults?  
  
"If not for Odin I would not be here now." he growled. "And if not for you I would never have become like this. If it would please you so to see me dead why not take your chance? Kill me now before the council has the opportunity to decide on some pitiful act of mercy."  
  
It was all talk of course. He was terrified to die. But he would be damned if he was going to let Thor see that. He was Loki and he trembled before no one. Not even the God of Thunder.  
  
"Father is dead." Thor said suddenly, causing Loki to recoil. Not out of sadness, but rather out of shock. Having the news dropped on him so suddenly startled him. "After you fell away from us at the rainbow bridge, he thought you had died. We all thought so. He could not handle the grief, and passed away just a few weeks after.   
  
He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and continued before Loki could say anything like 'good riddance.' "Do not try to blame your problems on myself and father. You cannot expect us to take responsibility for the damage you have done. We are not your crutch – I am _not_ your excuse. What you did was of your own choice, and your own fault. I refuse to let you suffer under the delusion that father or myself _made_ you do the things you did."    
  
"And what other choice did I have?" Loki shouted, he surged forward as if he wanted nothing more than to lash out at his captor but was stopped by his restraints. "I deserved to be king, you said so yourself! Odin favored you because you were his true son while I was left to stand in your shadow and long for all that could never be mine! I did what I had to do, no more."  
  
Thor's expression was stern and dark. "You did not _have_ to let the Frost Giants into Asgard. You did not _have_ to attack Earth. And you did not _have_ to lie to me about father's death. You _did_ make those decisions however, Loki. And you are paying for the consequences of the bad choices you made. Father favored me, it is true, but that is not because I asked him to. You should not take your anger out on me, Loki, I have done nothing for you but the best _all_ your life!" he entertained the idea of letting the smaller man out of his restraints so he could exhaust his anger on Thor through what would undoubtedly be weak punches, but he couldn't trust him not to try to trick himself away. And as it was, the specially-designed cuffs totally dampened his powers as long as he wore them.   
These last words hung in the silence between them. Then Loki threw his head back and laughed. Thor's words were so ridiculous he could do nothing else.  
  
"The _best,_ you say? Oh how very funny my dear Thor. The funniest part is that you probably think it's true. Tell me, how was denying me my chance at power what was best for me? How was keeping me always by your side so our people thought I _needed_ you what was best for me?" The laughter had ended, turning once again to screaming. "You denied me any chance of proving myself, as a leader, as a warrior, even as a comrade amongst our supposed friends. You gave me nothing, only took! You thought of nothing but glory and still you think you were doing me a favor. Your arrogance astounds me."  
  
"I did not deny you anything, our father did!" Thor shouted back, raising his voice for the first time. "Have you completely forgotten the days in our adolescence when we would devise pranks and horrible schemes that would get me out of taking the throne so you could have it?! Have you totally forgotten the fact that I would then take the lectures from father alone when he found out? Have you forgotten the day that I formally requested I hand the passing of the throne from myself to you because of how badly you wanted it, just a few years before I accepted my fate! I never wanted the responsibility, only the action! If you had waited just a few more years before hatching this terrible scheme, I may have given you the throne! But now that is not a possibility, after all you have done."   
  
He ran his hand slowly over his face. "And I did not force you to stay by my side. I stayed near you because you were my _brother,_ and I _loved_ you. Not because I felt obligated to spend time with you – babysit you. You have no concept of love!"   
  
"Do not talk to me about love! I loved you more than anything in this life and you betrayed me!" Loki shouted before he could stop himself. It was not something he had ever wanted to admit, especially now. He found himself wishing almost desperately for his muzzle before he revealed any more of what he felt. But every word of it was true. He could never stop loving Thor. Not after all the things they'd been through together. They weren't just lovers, they were soulmates. Thor was probably too thick to understand that.   
  
Thor's mouth dropped open and hung open in stunned silence for the longest time.   
  
" _I_ betrayed _you?_ " he repeated incredulously. "Do you _hear_ yourself? You ran to father when we went to fight the Frost Giants, and had me banished because of it. You then proceeded to not only take on the claimed _burden_ of the throne, but you came also to _lie_ to me, and told me I could never return. And then finally you _left me_ and proceeded to attack the planet that you _knew_ was under my constant observation and protection. And through all this you honestly believe it is _I_ who have betrayed _you?_ "  
  
"I trusted you! I believed you wanted to give me my chance to rule and then I have to watch as you soak up the glory, as you mourn your ruined day of triumph. How was I to know of your plans when you would not talk to me!" Loki continued to shout. He was close to tears now, could feel the wetness that threatened to spill down his cheeks.  
  
"To make my intentions clear to you I only told father of your plan to attack the Frost Giants because I feared for our lives." he continued, shaking his head the clear his eyes. "Leading us there was stupid. I did not wish to see you banished, only safely home. cruel but necessary. I was king and could not allow you to return to Asgard so soon after Odin banished you. It would be an insult to him and would show weakness within our walls. And if you remember I fell from the bridge. I had no idea what planets were under your constant observation and protection."  
  
Thor shook his head slowly. "I did want you to be allowed to rule. I wanted it so badly, because _you_ wanted it. But after years and years of it being thrown to the ground by father, I learned that bringing it up caused nothing but anger and arguments between everyone. And I can't help but notice that as soon as I stopped bringing it up, so too did you. Was my help the only thing giving you the strength to continue to request power?"  
  
He had to lock his knees to keep from falling to the ground in grief. "And you did not _fall_ from the bridge, do not dare tell me you fell! I attempted to save your life and you _let go._ You let _me_ go. I mourned for months thinking that I hadn't tried as hard as I should have to protect you! I hated myself for not letting go in pursuit of you when you released!"  
  
"What chance did I have when both you and father were determined I would never take the throne?" Loki said, quieter now. He looked down at the rainbow bridge beneath his feet, not trusting himself to meet Thor's blue eyes, so bright with emotion. He couldn't stand the sadness in them and couldn't allow himself to soften now.   
  
"I did not know if I would survive when I let go." he admitted softly. "I hoped I would but if I did not I did not care. I had lost everything already. When I was not killed I saw that fate had handed me a second chance and I took it. I believed my lessons well learned. Waiting and hoping and doing the right thing mean nothing. If you want something, take it. There is no right and wrong, only winners and losers." He looked down at his bound hands and laughed. "Obviously there were some...unexpected challenges."  
  
"Failing to get what you want by doing the right thing does not give you the right to break laws and threaten lives! _Nothing_ gives a person the right to do so." Thor scolded, his chest swelling with ambivalence. "When you realized you were not killed, you should have instead taken the opportunity at a second life to _ameliorate_ the problems you had already caused, not create more for yourself! Did you _honestly_ believe attempting to enslave humanity would work? What were you _thinking?_ "   
  
"I was thinking I had a chance to be something other than Thor's mischievous little brother." Loki responded. To his own ears it sounded childish and stupid but it was the truth. His entire life he had stood in Thor's shadow and when he had seen a way to escape it he had leaped at the chance. It wasn't that he didn't love Thor, there were many occasions when he would have gladly died for him, but he had grown tired of being seen as inferior.  
  
"So instead, you decided to be seen as _Humanity's number one hated Asgardian._ Is that honestly what you wanted for yourself? Did you really think that would be better than being my brother? Being hated, despised, distrusted, discredited and attacked is _better_ than being beside a king?"   
  
"Not beside a king." Loki hissed. "Never beside you. I stand below you or behind you. To stand beside you would mean being acknowledged as your equal. Your father would never allow that."  
  
"At no fault of my own did you stand beneath me." Thor said, "I tried my best to make you my equal, but you seemed determined to believe what everyone thought of you – as something that should always be below me. And I have told you, father is dead now. If your impatience had not got the better of you, if you had simply waited two more years, none of this would have occurred and you could be right beside me – leading the way through this kingdom. It is because of your own foolish choices that you will now _never_ rule here – or anywhere else."  
Loki straightened, not having noticed that he had shrunk back during Thor's scolding, and squared his shoulders. As far as he was concerned they had reached the end of their discussion, at least, he had nothing more to say. Thor could never understand what he felt. He would never see that it was his love for Thor and his anger at what Odin had made of his life that had spurred his actions. And how could he? He had always been the favored son, he would never know what it felt like to always be thought of as something of lesser value.  
  
"Then we have reached our end. From here you lead me to almost certain death. I suppose you will say it is what I deserve." he said, trying to cover his fear with a sense of calm.  
  
"That it where you are wrong, Loki." Thor said, "I intend to fight until the last breath in my body to keep you from death. I believe you were very wrong in what you did, but I think that there were circumstances that caused you to make decisions. You made the decisions yourself, but not without motive. Asgard and myself are responsible for being part of that motive. I do not believe what you have done deserves the death sentence. Numbers were looked over – only seventeen beings were killed in your attacks, and that includes the Frost Giants who were murdered when you let them into Asgard. Thirty on top of that were injured, but only six of them fatally. You will pay for what you have done – you will be punished. But I will not see you beheaded. I would give up my title as king and run away to protect you before I see that happen."   
  
"Why?" Loki asked, indignation rising. Was he to be denied even this? Even the death of a worthy foe? "Why would you fight for me? I let enemies into Asgard, I lied to you and tried to kill you. Why would you fight for me? Do not tell me it is because I am your brother because we both know I am not. And don't try to lie and tell me you still love me. I know about that human woman. I can see when I am replaced."  
  
That one hurt. It had broken his heart to see Thor with the young scientist but acknowledging it was agonizing. It made the betrayal real somehow. As if until that moment it had been something half-imagined, like a dream that may have been a memory. Saying the words out-loud made it a reality.  
  
"I never had any real interest in her," Thor argued, "I was broken and hurting because you had come to me in order to tell me that I could never return. You visited to lie to me and make me believe that I would _never_ see you again. The thought was so agonizing that I could not bring myself to process it, so I projected my torn emotions on the nearest thing that would accept them. It just so happened to be Jane. I would fight for you because _I love you._ "  
  
"I do not believe you." Loki snapped. He squared his shoulders again and faced the gates of Asgard, ready to met his fate but unable to meet Thor's eyes. He wanted Thor's words to be true but deep down he knew that if he allowed himself to take them to heart he would never be able to face what was to come.  
  
Taking Loki by the shoulders, Thor whipped the small man around so they were looking face to face. He shook him gently as he spoke, "Do you want it to be a lie? Do you want me to tell you that I don't love you? Do you want me to let you die?! Why are you so against everything I have tried to do here! You know, as soon as you were apprehended, the rest of the team of humans on Earth that I was with, they wanted to kill you on the spot. I stepped between and talked them out of cutting your head off publicly."   
"Why!? Why can't you just accept what is?" Loki yelled, pulling away from Thor's grip and stumbling back a few feet. "No matter what happens you and I can never be together again. One way or another I will lose you and you me. I am not afraid to die but I can't go in there and be strong knowing you still want me. How am I supposed to accept your love when it means nothing now?"  
  
"Don't assume it means nothing." Thor said, seizing Loki's shoulders again. "Don't assume that after everything that has happened, what we were is meaningless. Our relationship has not changed – other than the fact that you tried to kill me. I still have that scar in my belly."   
  
Loki winced. Everything else he had done had been done for a reason. He had carefully calculated every act to ensure his victory. That little bit of malice had been born of nothing but bitterness and he had regretted it almost as soon as he had pushed the blade into Thor's body.  
  
"I am sorry for that." he told his lover solemnly. "I wanted only to hurt you. It was wrong."  
  
"So was everything else you did. I have said I do not believe it warrants the death sentence, and I plan to stay by this claim. I will defend you in the court, and in the case that you are sentenced to death I will put it off long enough to give you ample time and opportunity to escape."  
"No. I do not need your help. If I can not escape in the time they give me I do not deserve to escape at all. Please, Thor. Do not disgrace me in this too." Loki begged. "And if I am to be executed you must promise not to mourn me as your brother, or even as your lover. Mourn me as a warrior, as a worthy foe. If I die let me die as your equal. I think you owe me that much."  
  
"I have always thought of you as my equal. I do not know why you cannot understand that. I will never see you as an enemy, until the day you destroy all of Asgard in one giant blast. And please, for your sake and mine, do not try to. But this is a moot point anyway, as I will not allow them to put you to death for what you have done."   
  
Loki raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "You can not overturn their decision without destroying their respect for you as king. Siding with me may mean the end of your rule. Especially since you have more reason than anyone to hate me. The people will view you as weak."  
  
"The people will deal." Thor said, staring hard at the ground. "The simple fact is that my decision is the one that counts. I have a court only as a formality. The people will have the opportunity to speak, but their decision is not the one that will stand. Do you have anything else to say to me before we go?"   
"Only that you gain nothing by sparing me. If I am given my life you will probably never see me again." Loki answered coldly. He knew it was a harsh truth but he didn't want Thor to save him because he believed they would be able to get back to the way things were before. That would be close to impossible after everything that had transpired between them.  
  
"You are wrong." Thor shook his head. "You have no idea how much I will gain if you live. And how much I will lose if you are killed. One last thing you should know," he paused to lift the metal covering that had been over Loki's mouth, "The court has decreed that you not be able to speak to defend yourself. They believe everything that will come out of your mouth is a lie. You are to wear this through the ruling."   
  
Loki rolled his eyes but didn't struggle. If he had been on trial before any other group he would have argued against the muzzle but he had grown up amongst the Asgardians and he knew that trying to talk his way out of this demeaning treatment would get him no where. He had grown up amongst there people and they knew him for the crafty trickster he was.  
  
"I know it is unfair," Thor continued as he fastened the clamp around the back of Loki's head. "But you are known for being clever with your words. Because you cannot defend yourself, you are going to have to trust me to defend you in your place." He paused, putting his hands on the smaller man's shoulders.   
  
His next question was biting and hard, blue eyes boring hard into green.   
"Do you trust me?"   
The question was pointless as Loki had no option. Thor would act in his stead no matter what he thought of him. Still, if he thought about it he knew if he had to choose someone to defend him Thor would have been amongst his first choices. The only thing that stood against the man was his penchant for honesty but that was easily outweighed by his loyalty and, dare he say it, love for Loki. If he could not defend himself Thor was the next best thing.  
  
With a nod he relinquished his control of the situation to Thor and placed himself entirely in the other man's hands.  
  
Loki was suddenly swept into a tight embrace, his cheek pillowed on Thor's shoulder, and his hair petted by the man's large hand. His other hand came to rest on the small of his back, holding him close, body to body.   
He kissed Loki's forehead, tears dampening the skin there, and he was careful not to touch any of the cuts that had been left behind by the large green mutant human's smashing.   
  
He didn't say anything. Nothing he could say would relay strong enough his feelings. He kissed his forehead several more times, peppering him with the gentle pecks before he finally pulled back and began to walk through the gates, headed towards the palace and their court date.   
  
Loki noticed the change in the atmosphere before they even entered the court room. He could feel the tension emanating from the closed doors, too strong to be contained within a single room. He could hear a low angry murmuring, like the buzzing of hornets, that stopped as soon as the door opened and Thor led him into the large room. All eyes were on him as they walked forward, their gazes boring into him as if they thought if they glared hard enough they might cause him more injury.   
  
Their hatred was unfounded. If they could only understand why he had done what he had they would treat him with the respect he deserved. He had tried to destroy their greatest enemy, an action worthy of acclaim not scorn.  
  
He put them out of his mind as they reached the front of the room. He could see his old friends standing at the front of the court, probably there to testify against him. He put them out of his mind too. Their betrayal meant nothing to him.  
But it only took a few seconds for him to realize that those old friends were the council.   
  
He was given his spot behind a small table, his chains fastened to a small loop via some muttered words. They formed together as one link, and he was trapped.   
  
"Loki, son of Odin and brother of Thor." The council began as Thor took his seat in the large throne, looking very troubled. "You stand accused of letting the Frost Giants into Asgard for your own nefarious purposes, as well as attacking Earth and attempting global domination with no account for human life. How do you plead?"  
  
"You must be joking," Thor suddenly spoke up. "You are asking him a question but robbing him of his ability to speak for himself?"   
  
Loki had to agree, it was a ridiculous request. Was Thor supposed to speak for him? If so why hadn't they directed the question at him? If not than how was he supposed to communicate his response?   
  
"Loki may nod or shake his head to indicate his plea. From here you will be answering all questions in his stead." the council explained, their eyes still locked on the prisoner.  
  
Hoping he was making the right choice Loki shook his head.  
  
The court room was in an uproar, people shouting accusations here and there, ignoring the council's request for silence. Loki felt something hit the back of his head, and his vision swam as he looked back to try to locate the thrower, malice burning in his eyes.  
  
Thor slammed Mjolnir on the arm rest of his chair, creating a deafening boom that silenced the crowd.   
  
"You plead not guilty?" the council asked again, alarmed and offended. "You honestly expect us to believe you did not do those things?"   
  
Loki rolled his eyes. He had done the things, yes but he did not believe himself to be guilty of any real crime. What he had done was necessary to ensure victory but there was no explaining that to these people.  
  
He looked to Thor instead, his eyes pleading. He needed him now. He was his only chance at explaining why he had done what he had.  
  
"Loki believes what he did was justified." Thor clarified. "I believe he is disagreeing with the fact that you claim he let in the Frost Giants for _nefarious purposes._ He explained to me his reason for letting them in – his intention was to destroy them and look like a hero. I will admit, it was a childish way to achieve a good image, and it was dangerous, and it was foolish, but his intentions were not nefarious."   
  
Loki allowed himself a sigh of relief. It wasn't how he would have chosen to word it and he took some offense to being called childish but the argument was solid. He had not betrayed Asgard but had acted in what he believed was her best interest. They could hardly hold that against him.  
"I see. And he does not feel that the arrogance and stupidity that put our great kingdom at risk is worthy of punishment?" The council asked, their cold looks still focused on Loki despite their question being directed at Thor.  
  
"Well I'm sure _he_ doesn't think he deserves punishment." Thor said, casting a look at the man in question. "But I challenge you to think of a time a criminal actually believed they did. It is our job to determine punishment, not his."   
  
"I believe we already have enough evidence to render judgment and deliver a fair punishment to suit his many crimes." The council said, making Loki's blood run cold. It didn't surprise him that they had already come to a decision. They had probably discussed it before he and Thor even arrived. But it did make him wonder why they had even bothered calling this trial if it was nothing but a formality.  
  
"Unless you have an argument for his senseless destruction and disregard for life on Earth, Thor, we are done here. The council will announce its decision."  
  
"Your idea of a fair punishment is death!" Thor suddenly cried, almost slamming down his hammer again. "I would like to point out the fact that his disregard for human life only surmounted to twelve deaths."  
  
The council seemed the draw back at the anger in Thor's tone. It was Loki they were here to attack and none of them wanted to get on their king's bad side. They feared him as much as they loved him, the trickster thought grimly. But would that fear be enough to keep him off the chopping block?   
  
"Directly, yes. But his actions led to the deaths of nearly one hundred humans during the destruction of one military base and the invasion of the City of New York." One brave councilman ventured. "He must be held accountable for what he has done."  
  
Loki paled. What had happened in New York was arguably his fault but the military base had been out of his control. It was Fury who allowed it to reach the brink of collapse. It had been his plan to bury them all so Loki could not leave with the Tesseract. He had been running for his life as much as the rest of them. But Thor didn't know that.  
  
"Then hold him accountable. But _killing_ Loki will _NOT_ bring those killed back from the dead!" Thor said, standing up from his seat in order to pace, his body thrumming with anxious energy. "If anything, killing Loki now will only spare him from having to learn a lesson for what he has done. Killing him now will be almost the same as letting him go free, with no punishment at all! Don't you see, that if he does not pay for his crimes while he is sentient and breathing – if he is not made to feel sorry for what he has done, then our punishment is futile? If we kill him now, he will never repent for what he has done. He will never live long enough to see the error in his ways. He will die a man who believes what he has done is just and right."   
  
Pausing, he turned to address the council, who were all sitting as far back in their seats as they could manage. "That'd be an awfully _indolent_ way out of this predicament, my dear council."  
  
Loki almost laughed. Repent? Is that what Thor hoped to accomplish from all this? He wanted him to feel sorry for what he had done?  
  
 _Oh my dear Thor. You are still so naïve._  
  
All he felt sorry about was his loss. If he hadn't been so arrogant and had fully considered the capabilities of his adversaries he would not have failed. That was what he felt sorry for.  
  
"Than what would you suggest, Thor, son of Odin? What punishment do you believe fits his crimes?" The council challenged.  
  
Thor looked back over his shoulder with a sigh at the man who was sitting like a nervous cat at the table he was chained to. He knew full well he would never feel sorry for what he had done. He desperately wished he would, but the king was not foolish enough to believe that he ever really would. He'd simply made that case knowing that the council would be unable to kill him after being called lazy. He knew his friends – he knew they were proud people.   
  
But Loki _did_ need punishment. Something that wasn't life-threatening, but would suit his crimes. Something that he would honestly hate. After all, Thor might love him, but he could not enjoy his punishment.   
  
"I suggest," he began, as an idea was planted in his head. "That he be stripped of his power, as I once was, and sent to Earth to live as a human man." The court gasped and was full of whispers, and Loki's eyes widened to the size of super novas.  "Allow him to _feel_ what it is like to be among them.  Live as one of the creatures he so affectionately claims are weak and worthless. Give him a few hundred years in that existence, and maybe then he will at last realize that they are not creatures of burden, and should be respected – not overthrown."   
  
Death would have been preferable. After all they had said of respect and equality Thor wished to banish him to an existence amongst insects? It was a cruel and demeaning punishment that had Loki struggling against his bonds in protest.  
  
The council, of course, jumped on the idea. Though they would have liked to see Loki's blood staining the executioner's axe, seeing him humiliated would suit them just fine.  
  
They huddled close and whispered together for a few moments before once again straightening in their chairs. The head of the council nodded. "We agree to this punishment. Loki, son of Odin, shall live out his days on Earth as a human until such a time as he displays true regret for what he has done or he dies."  
  
Thor was quite pleased with himself. He turned to Loki, expecting to see relief writ across his features for being spared death, but instead he was met with a glare full of hatred and anger. Thor was confused, but decided not to say anything just yet.  
  
"I request that I take him to Earth myself. As sort of an ambassador, there are things I will need to set up in order for his punishment to work to its fullest. Else what is to stop him from finding a quiet corner of the planet to hide in and avoid learning from his mistakes?"   
  
The council agreed with almost no fuss, only requesting that he not stay long as Asgard did not wish to be without its king for much longer. The trial ended then and Loki and Thor were dismissed so the punishment could be carried out as swiftly as possible.  
  
Loki's bindings were unchained from the table and Thor reached to help him up. He pulled away from the other man's grip. He didn't want Thor to touch him. Through everything that had happened he had always loved Thor but now he didn't want to be anywhere near him.  
Thor had asked to take Loki himself so he could speak with him, not really so he could properly carry out his punishment. The moment they were outside the city, Thor removed his muzzle. "Why do you look so angry, Loki?" he asked, puzzled. "I kept you from the executioner. I saved your life."   
  
"And instead chose to humiliate me further." Loki spat, moving as far from Thor as he could. "You have condemned me to a half life! The life of a mortal man! Even if I am someday allowed to return to Asgard this embarrassment will never be forgotten. 'There goes Loki, the one who wasn't even allowed the honor of a warrior's death!', 'Loki, who had to have his older brother step in to save him.' Do you not see what you've done?"  
  
"You wanted to die instead?!" Thor cried, now thoroughly confused. "Because if you'd rather, I can bring you right back in there and have you killed on the spot – I'll crush your head with my own hammer if it pleases you!"   
"What I want is for you to see what you've done!" Loki shouted back. He couldn't believe Thor was so stupid. "You've cemented my inferiority in their eyes! Nothing you can do now will change that!"  
  
"I went in there with the intention to spare you from death – this I made clear – and that is exactly what I have done. There is no punishment I could have given you that would not have humiliated you – that is the point of a punishment! You are not meant to approve of it, you are certainly not meant to enjoy it! If you did not want a punishment, you should not have performed the acts that required punishing! And do not tell me that they are foolish for believing what you have done requires punishment, Loki, you are the _only_ one who believes your actions were justified. When it is you against all of Asgard, and all of Earth, it is _you_ who are wrong. You need to accept this."   
  
Loki shook his head. He knew most of the people of Asgard were too thick to comprehend why he had committed these supposed "crimes" but he had hoped Thor might try to understand. He could see now that he was wrong for ever believing his lover might sympathize with him.  
  
"You have exactly what you wanted then." He said quietly. "Now you may send me away and be proud of another job well done."  
  
Thor shook with restrained anger. Without a second word, he lifted his arm and backhanded Loki hard across the face, casting him to the ground with the force of the blow. He regretted it as soon as he did it – much, he assumed, like Loki claimed he regretted stabbing Thor – but he remained strong.  
  
"How _dare_ you assume I am proud of this. I _hate_ this. I hate the fact that you are banished, but I would hate more if you were dead. This way I can visit you, and one day perhaps you can even come back. But you will not assume that I am proud of this day. I hate the things you have done, but I cannot change them. I can only keep you alive. And one day you will thank me for this opportunity at continuing your life. Right now you may resent me – you may even hate me – but some day… some day you will realize, and it will all become clear. You will be thankful that I have done this for you. That is the day you will come home."   
  
Loki lay in shocked stillness on the ground, looking up at his brother with mingled surprise and fear. Thor had struck him. Never before in their lives had Thor lashed out at him when he could not defend himself. It was terrifying, to see Thor so angry and to have it directed at him.  
  
"I believe you," Loki said, finding his voice. "But your supposed mercy means little in the face of reality. I regret nothing and in a few years you will tire of trying to change me. You will forget me and I will be left on Earth to rot."  
  
"You underestimate my capacity to love you." Thor said, leaving Loki to lie on the ground for the time being. "I intend you keep you alive. Keep you immortal, if human. You will not age. You will suffer disease and injury, but you will not age. I will have to check in every week at least, to make sure that you are still alive and well. I have no intention of ever letting you rot anywhere. I will not have to change you, because you will change yourself. It may take years. Years I have. I will wait for you."   
  
"You will resent me. Just as I resent you now. You will hate having to leave your kingdom and endure the scorn of your people for me. Do you really think our love will survive that?" Loki asked, unintentionally admitting to his own feelings. He knew Thor's love for him was strong, and he knew that he returned that love with full force, but he wasn't so sure that their feelings would survive this ordeal.  
  
"You will allow me to decide if and when I resent you." Thor said, finally dragging Loki to his feet and pulling on his chains as they continued the journey towards the bifrost. "I will put you under the watch and care of Tony Stark. He is leading the rebuilding mission on New York, and you will join his cause."  
  
Loki laughed. "You think he will allow that? If you recall I also tried to kill him. Besides, I don't think the humans will be very happy to have the man who nearly destroyed them rebuilding their city. They won't trust any more than our own people do."  
  
"The truth of the matter, Loki, is that you will never be trusted again. By anyone. And that is your own fault – and something you will have to deal with for the rest of your life." Thor said as they reached the bifrost. "Heimdall, would you please give us just a moment longer?"   
  
The large man nodded and stepped out of the structure. As soon as he was gone, Thor cupped the sides of Loki's face and drew him into a powerful kiss.   
Loki's first inclination was to pull away. He was still angry at Thor for suggesting this demeaning punishment and for calling him a childish fool in front of the entire council. But after a token struggle he felt the tension leave him and he melted into the familiar embrace. He reminded himself that this might be the last time he would be able to be with Thor like this. So he allowed himself to enjoy the kiss. It would at least give him something to remember him by.  
  
After only a couple seconds of the tender connection, Loki felt his face wetted with warm tears. Thor stroked his thumbs across the smaller man's jaw as he laved his lips gently against his lover's. His throat tightened and his face contorted in sadness. He hated this. He wanted desperately to turn back the hands of time and change everything that happened.   
  
Breaking the kiss, he rest his forehead against Loki's, his eyes closed as he shook his head gently. "I would give anything to fix this all here and now." He whispered, his thumbs still stroking Loki's jaw on either side. "I would give my hammer, my power, the loyalty of my people if it would make everything forgotten. If giving up my own legs would change what has happened here, I would."   
  
"Nothing can change the past." Loki whispered. He wished desperately that his hands were free so he could stroke Thor's cheek, wipe away his tears and assure him that it would be alright.   
  
"Thor please, don't cry for me. We will be separated but as you said, it will not be forever." Loki assured his lover. He didn't know how true the words were but Thor needed to hear them.  
  
Thor shook his head again and tipped his face forward for another kiss. "For both our sakes, I hope you are right." He murmured, still unwilling to open his eyes. He pulled Loki into a tight hug, embracing him as tightly as he could.   
  
He tried to show it. Everything he meant. All his love, in one embrace. Tight and warm and willing, sweet and hot and cool all at once.   
  
"Loki," he pulled back after a moment to look him directly in the eyes. "If you remember nothing from this day in a hundred years, remember this. _You are loved._ "   
  
Something in Loki unclenched at those words. He had heard them said many times before but they had never meant as much as they did at this moment.   
  
He was loved.   
  
Thor loved him, despite everything that had happened between them.   
The realization sunk in and Loki's strength left him. He fell against Thor, his shoulder's shaking as he cried against the God's chest.  
  
Thor almost broke down when Loki finally cried. He was showing vulnerability for the first time in years. But he remained strong, standing tall and holding him tightly as he sobbed. He whispered gentle nothings in Loki's ear as he cried out all his sadness, all his insecurity.   
  
He kissed his forehead several times, stroking his hair gently and absorbing his tears. He wanted to take it all. All the sadness, the rage, the bitterness, the defeat, the hatred. He wanted to take it from Loki and leave him feeling nothing but peaceful and loved. He knew he could not do this, but he desperately wanted to.  
  
Loki allowed the tears to continue unchecked. He was aware that he was making a spectacle of himself. A grown man crying on his lover's shoulder, how pathetic. Still he couldn't bring himself to stop. It was such a relief to finally give in to all the pain and sadness he had carried with him over the years. Thor's arms around him made him feel safe and the soft voice in his ear calmed him.  
  
Finally the sobs subsided and he straightened, pushing himself off Thor's broad chest to look him in the eye.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I await the day you will return to Asgard a changed man." Thor said, rubbing his lover's shoulders gently. "Heimdall, you may open the bifrost now!"   
  
As the Bifrost opened Loki turned for one last look at Thor, his brother turned lover turned enemy. He was beautiful, so strong and yet so sad. Knowing himself to be the source of that sadness made Loki's heart ache. There were no words that could undo that kind of pain, no matter how badly he wished there were. He could think of nothing he would not do, no lie he would not tell, if only to put an end an end to Thor's suffering.   
  
It wasn't remorse, not in the way Thor hoped. Not yet at least. But as he watched, he saw a few stray tears slip down the god's face – tears of love and loss – he made up his mind that he would try. The bifrost took them and as they travelled towards Earth he resolved in his mind to do what he could to make this right. Maybe he would never be able to fully regret what he had done, he had no illusions of himself and he knew that he was not a man to lament past actions, but he was going to try. And maybe, just maybe, someday he could come home.


	2. Chapter 2

One year on Earth did not pass as quickly as Loki would have liked. Thor would visit every other week to check on his progress in Stark Tower, but it took six months before Tony Stark even trusted him enough to let him lift a broom. Needless to say, progress was slow.   
  
Even longer, Loki found – quite obviously – did it take five years to pass. He watched with mild interest at the rapid rate humans aged, wondering mildly what it must be like to live such short, pitiful lives. And still, Thor would visit every other week. He would stay for an hour or so and ask asinine questions about what Loki was doing. The finishing touches were being put on the city – it was almost back to normal. Like Loki had never attacked at all.   
  
Unfortunately, people did not forget like rock and buildings did. Loki had stones thrown at him every other day, sometimes – and most awful – by children.   
  
As five years crawled by, Loki found himself in the midst of an infant. Tony Stark had finally gotten his heir – through Pepper Potts. She was always pleasant enough to Loki, just as polite to him as anyone else. It always felt artificial, a false sort of kindness that came with years of schmoozing throughout Stark Industries. He was never allowed to be alone with the baby, and frankly he never wanted to be. Babies were squishy and shrill and messy. He would have had no idea how to deal with one.   
  
Ten years passed, and then twenty and thirty. The child grew and Loki was passed down to him, practically like an indentured servant. He was a mite nicer than his father – thanks to his mother – who passed just a year after the child turned thirty-one. His name was Lazarus, and he was every bit of a man that his father had hoped he would be.   
  
Much to Loki's dismay.   
  
And just like he was passed to Lazarus, he was then passed to his son, Damian. And then his son Arthur, and his daughter Carol. And still, Thor would visit. Every other week, like clockwork. He seemed to enjoy the progression of the human family much more than Loki did, and he would almost spend more time talking to Tony's descendants than he would talking to Loki.   
  
As the years rolled by – now up to 150 – Loki found himself quite sorry for what he'd done. Not for the reasons that Thor would have hoped. Not for the reasons Asgard would have hoped. He never did come to regret attempting to rule them. Living among them did not make him respect them as Thor believed. Rather it made him resent them all the more. Vile, mortal things they were. Growing up and dying much too quickly for him to even want to keep up. He didn't see the point of living a human life if it was over before they even reached one hundred. There didn't seem to be enough time to do anything.   
  
No, he was sorry for what he'd done because it kept him away from Thor. He heard a phrase while he was on Earth – separation makes the heart grow fonder.   
  
If that was the truth, then his heart was so fond he could hardly believe it was still beating. He ached for Thor – longed for him. He never understood why Thor continued to visit him – continued to _believe_ in him. But he didn't question it, not really. Whatever Thor's reasons for still believing that he was going to change, if it kept him coming to visit Loki, then so be it. He would continue to play nice.   
  
He learned of his true sentence one day when Thor came to visit, absolutely enraged. He was nearly in tears, shaking with restrained wrath. He told Loki of the council's decision to extend his sentence – originally two hundred years – to one thousand years. They had made this decision in such a way that it was binding, ensuring that Thor could not possibly revoke it. Loki couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Thor cry like that. For _him,_ no less. Mourning him. He seemed to remember a shaded and intimate moment with his brother in the bifrost, but his memories were so scattered of his time in Asgard. Living with humans, where everything was fast because of their short life spans, had caused his mind to become filled with trivial nonsense, constantly being pushed aside to make room for more.   
  
  
  
  
And then one day, Thor didn't visit. In over one hundred years, he'd never been late once. He didn't show the next day, either, or the next. For one month – two visits – he did not appear.   
  
Loki knew what this meant. He'd been dreading it the whole time. The day that Thor finally became impatient and fed up with visiting him every other week. Loki was honestly surprised he'd made it _this_ long before giving up his promise. He was filled with all kinds of bitterness and hatred for Asgard, and suddenly for his brother. He found something twisting up inside himself. Thor was his way back into Asgard, and if he wasn't going to visit him and check up on his progress, then he wasn't ever getting back into Asgard. He accepted this as a truth and stopped trying. For two months he stopped trying.   
  
And then finally, the bifrost opened. Loki was sitting in the penthouse in Stark Tower, trying to avoid Carol and whatever she would try to make him do, when he saw it. Out on the landing pad that used to belong to the original Iron Man, he saw the flash. He was on his feet, ready to jump at his brother with questions and anger and strikes with his hand.   
  
But when the light cleared, it was not Thor standing there. There were no broad shoulders, no long golden hair, no hammer, no armor, and certainly no wide smile. Instead, he was faced with a vision of bitterness, Sif. She stood with her shoulders square and her face emotionless. Stiff and brisk, she walked forward, her eyes focused squarely on Loki.   
  
"You are needed back in Asgard. Come quickly."  
  
She said nothing else, turned on her heel, and walked back the way she came.   
  
"Wait!" Loki yelled, running after her. He voice sounded sad, laden with desperate emotions and so very human that he could hardly believe it was his own. He must have missed the change over the years with only other humans and Thor to speak with. finally seeing another Asgardian made him realize just how much he had lost on Earth.  
  
But he pushed that thought aside. He should not be returning home so early. There must be some sort of trouble, something terrible, for them to be calling him back. But then why wasn't Thor here to get him? Why would they send Sif?  
  
The realization hit him so hard he almost fell. _Thor._ Some great tragedy must have befallen him for them to send Sif in his stead.  
  
"Please, Sif." Loki said, catching up to his one time friend. "Where is Thor? Why has he not come for me?"  
  
"Thor is dead." Sif explained much too quickly, her face as stony as ever. "And we find ourselves without an heir to the throne. With much dismay we have no choice but to turn to you. You should be happy, you're finally getting what you've tried to get your greasy palms on since the beginning."   
  
Her words were sharp and bitter, but her tone was tired and annoyed. She didn't want to be there, clearly, and it was also evident that she was not happy with this plan. She was reciting something rehearsed, more than likely. So casually, she spoke of his death, as if it was nothing.   
  
It was not so to Loki. He felt the world spin and for a moment thought he might just topple off the tower, unable to hold himself steady from the shock. Thor was dead. His protector, his lover, his friend, gone. He could not bear to think of it.  
  
Deep in his mind a small cynical voice was laughing. Less than two hundred years ago he would have welcomed this news. Sif was right, he was getting exactly what he wanted. The throne was his. He realized now that it meant next to nothing under the circumstances.   
  
"How?" he whispered. He couldn't begin to fathom how this could have happened. Thor was next to invincible in his eyes. He could not imagine a being strong enough to defeat him.  
  
"The Frost Giants found their way back into Asgard, looking to kill you for what you did to Laufey. When they found you were not there, they decided to kill Thor instead. I would rather not go into details about it." Sif said, her hands folded tightly behind her back. "If you do not come back and take the throne, we are left without a ruler. How ironic that we must turn to the trickster to keep from falling into chaos."   
  
Loki hung his head, unable to meet the warrior's accusing eyes. So it was his fault this had happened. It was because of his own foolish actions that Thor was gone. If he had not been so hungry for power or so insecure about his right to rule Thor would still be with them.  
  
There was nothing he could do about it now. "I see. I will do my best to rule as he would, to ensure his kingdom does not fall."  
  
Sif snorted, as if she did not believe him. "War is unnecessary. Thor fought them on the rainbow bridge and managed to lock them back in their realm before dying of his injuries." She explained. "So don't think your first decree can be one of revenge."   
  
Loki nodded. Thor's last act had been to ensure the safety of his people. He would never do anything to change that. It would be foolish and an insult to Thor's memory.  
  
"I understand Sif. There will be no war." he assured her.  
  
With a sigh and a grimace, Sif needed to only look up at the sky for the bifrost to open. Several minutes of dizzying swirls  later, and Loki found himself standing in the bifrost, feeling very small and very cold.   
  
"Thor is the one that took your powers, and he is the one who can return them. None of us actually know how to do it. You are immortal, just like you have been for the past 150 years, but that aside you are in essence human. Unfortunately despite all of that, you are _still_ our only hope at keeping order." She explained as they passed Heimdall, who had a strange look about him.   
  
"I do not need my powers to rule." Loki replied, trying his best to keep up with Sif while still looking dignified. It was entirely true. His small magics, his petty tricks, all seemed so childish and silly now. What use would they be to him as king? A king must be proud, grave and noble. It wasn't a trickster's place to rule. He would need to adjust.  
  
He was led across the rest of the rainbow bridge in silence, and the rest of his old friends greeted him with bitter, forced smiles at the gate. And still in silence, they brought him through the palace. Passing through the halls, Loki couldn't help but notice that Thor's bedroom door was bolted shut.   
  
Noticing the young man's questioning stare, Sif sighed and spoke. "Thor died of his wounds in his bed." She explained. "I assumed you would not want to be anywhere near the place of his death."   
  
Loki immediately drew back, getting as far from the door as the small corridor would allow without pressing himself to the opposite wall. That was where Thor had died from wounds that had been meant for him. He should be the one who was dead, who's door was bolted shut.   
  
He looked at her and nodded. As far as he was concerned the room no longer existed. It could stay locked for the rest of their immortal lives for all he cared. He never wanted to come near it again.  
  
The small group brought him to the throne room and sighed as they all gazed upon the throne with ambivalent stares. Guilty, bereft expressions fell over their faces and they all took a knee, bowing to the empty throne.   
  
Sitting on the arm rest as if Thor would appear at any moment to lift it into his grip, was mjolnir, the thunder god's prized hammer.   
  
"It was the last place he left it." Sif said with a sigh. "We wanted to bury him with it, but… none of us can lift it."   
  
He had left Mjolnir? That didn't make sense, if he had been attacked by Frost Giants Thor would have kept his favorite weapon close by his side. His attackers must have taken him by surprise, Loki realized. The cowards.  
  
He knew he was expected to approach the throne, to take his place as king, but he couldn't. Not with the memory of Thor there by his side. The sight of it made his knees tremble and his eyes water with tears. It was as if he was still here, hovering by the throne just waiting for someone to come and try to claim his place.  
  
"Can't we do something? There must be someone who is strong enough to at least move it."  
  
"It is not a matter of strength." Sif shook her head. "It is a matter of worthiness. Only the true, proper ruler of Asgard can lift the hammer, let alone wield it. We've all tried, but it was a useless attempt. It will remain there… we don't know how long."   
  
_The true ruler._ Loki stared hard at the hammer for a long moment. He was king of Asgard now, and not by force. By all rights he should be able to lift the hammer. He knew there was a high probability that he wasn't worthy and the hammer would be just as impossible to lift now as it had been over a century ago. Such a failure would only further his subject's distrust in him but...if he _could_ move the hammer he could remove it and the ghost of Thor that clung to the heavy tool. He had to try.  
  
Hesitantly he stepped up to the throne and wrapped his slender fingers around the hammer's handle. It felt cold in his hand and he remembered how Thor had always described the weapon as warm to the touch. As if it belonged in his hand, not like this. He could tell, before he even summoned the courage to try to lift Mjolnir, that it was pointless. The weapon felt awkward in his grasp and he wasn't surprised when it didn't budge when he tried to lift it.  
  
"I see. I suppose it should stay here then. As a testament to our fallen king." Loki said sadly, releasing the hammer and slipping wearily onto his seat.  
  
"We must leave for a short while now, we have a few final preparations to make before you can announce your rise to the throne to the people of Asgard." Sif's tone was clipped and forced, and the group stood up and left the room a moment later.   
  
Silence fell on the room like a weighted, wet blanket with their withdrawal. Suffocating and heavy.   
  
A shuddering sob escape Loki as he sat there in the empty room. It was the kind of sob only one who had truly lost everything could utter. It was the kind of sob that started not in ones throat but in one's very core and tore its way through the body, looking for any outlet it could. His body shook with the grief voiced in that sob.  
  
His hand feel away from his eyes where it had been resting and landed on the hammer beside him. He could remember the day Thor had walked into this very court holding the legendary weapon in his fist. The hall had been filled with adoring subjects then, all cheering for the young prince, resplendent in his armor. He had been so alive, so full of light and laughter and joy that day. Loki could remember their father's pride when he saw his true son walking towards him, proving himself worthy of the mighty weapon and the throne. He could remember too, his own jealousy on that day. It all seemed so distant now, as if it had only occurred in a dream or had been a part of someone else's life that he had only witnessed. His bitterness, Odin's pride, the glint of light off the Mjolnir's polished face, it was all so pointless now.  
  
The metal didn't even shine anymore. It was had turned cold and dull, as if it too pined for it's old place at Thor's side. It was almost as if it was Thor itself. The life had left it as it had left him.  
  
Another choked sob, like the cry of a wounded animal, tore from Loki. Hot tears ran down his cheeks as he slipped from the throne to land on his knees on the cold stone floor. This is where he belonged. The throne meant nothing now. He no longer wanted it. He would gladly endure the next two thousand years on Earth as a worthless human if it would bring Thor back to him.  
  
He hugged himself and rocked, wishing his arms belonged to another. He tried to imagine they were the strong, warm arms of his one time lover but found he could not remember what Thor's embrace felt like. The thought only made him cry harder. What had he lost in those years apart? What would he have done differently during Thor's last visit if he had known that would be that last time he would see him?  
  
He would have held him. He would have held him so long and so tightly that he could never forget what it felt like. He would have told him how sorry he was for everything that had happened to them. He would have told him that he loved him.


	3. Chapter 3

Time passed funny with Thor gone. Every day Loki would wake up to a ceiling he barely remembered, and it would take him a few terrifying moments to remember where he was. Why he was there. That Thor was gone.

 

As if the constant reminder of Thor’s death by the scathing glares he got by everyone he passed, he had to look at the Thunder god’s hammer each and every day, immobile on the side of his throne. _Thor’s_ throne.

 

The tears dried up after a week or so. Crying wasn’t bringing Thor back, anyway, it was just giving Loki a headache.

 

Some night he would wake with a start, looking around wildly. He thought he heard Thor’s voice. Loki found himself sitting and staring off into open space quite often, replaying the conversation he’d had with Thor, the last visit he saw him alive.

 

_“Why do you continue to do this, brother? Do you not find yourself growing tired?”_

_“You’re calling me brother again. Are you upset with me?”_

_“How could I be upset with you? You are all I have of home. You are my only hope of return.”_

_“Loki,”_ he remembered fondly the feel of Thor’s hands on his face _“As long as you are alive, as long as you are learning, there will always be hope. You are clever, and you are wily, and you will find your OWN way home. I am sure of it. You don’t need me.”_

How fitting it would have been if Loki had told him he loved him. How desperately he wished he could rewrite the past.

 

As king he did his best, though even to him it seemed his heart was not in it. He fought desperately to maintain the kingdom his brother had built, if for no other reason than to honor the fallen warrior's memory. But every move he made was scorned. He wanted to earn his peoples’ love as Thor had but found that they would not be swayed. Any act of goodwill or benevolence was viewed with suspicion, and should he dare to exercise his power and bestow even a well deserved punishment, it was only confirmation of the worst.  
  
Still he tried. He wanted, as he had always wanted, to prove himself worthy of his throne. He fought every urge he had to lash out at those who shunned him. He tried to be just and fair despite his natural inclination towards revenge. He was miserable and lonely, but if that was the price one paid for being the kind of man Thor would have been proud of he was glad to pay it.

 

He felt distanced from everything. He was playing a character, someone who the people could trust. Or should trust. Whom he wished they would trust. He didn’t feel like himself when he was in public. It felt so foreign to keep a straight, polite demeanor while the people of Asgard cursed at him – threw things at him. It was no better than Earth.

 

The realization came swiftly one day that there was absolutely no difference here in his home compared to Earth. He was still despised – perhaps even more so. He was feared, he was rejected, and above all, he was deeply, sordidly _alone_.

 

The only real difference was that on Earth, he had Thor’s constant visits. He had that one little shred of sanity left after being reduced to the Stark family pet. That one speck of dignity. That one last, little inkling of hope. Of home. Of love.

 

How he’d taken it for granted. He knew of the adages that spoke of not missing something until it lost, but he’d never thought of himself as taking things for granted. He’d been so wrong.

 

Day by day, week by week by slowly crawling month, he worked tirelessly to keep up his image to the public. Nothing made their beliefs soften, nothing helped him look better in their eyes. He was public enemy number one. Nothing short of ending his own life would ever make the people happy.

 

It wasn’t the first time those sorts of thoughts crossed his mind. They would usually creep into the back of his head while he laid awake at night, watching as shadows made love on the ceiling. If he killed himself, Asgard wouldn’t be his problem anymore. Sure, they’d fall to ruin without a proper ruler. Sure, the kingdom would probably collapse to war and devastation. Sure his name would go down forever in history as the worst man who ever lived – as if it hadn’t already. But he’d be dead. So it wouldn’t be his problem. And he’d probably be with Thor again in the afterlife.

 

But it was not to be. Miserable as he was, he was also cowardly. And even worse, proud. He couldn’t stand being the man responsible for the fall of the kingdom. That would be something no one would ever, ever forget. Something no amount of time would ever erase. He couldn’t cope with that knowledge. And it kept him alive. However just barely.

 

He wasn’t really _alive_ , perse.  He survived. He wasn’t sustaining. He wasn’t creating or thriving. He was existing. Existing in the role he had to. He’d never believed he could possibly come to _hate_ the role as leader. But he despised it with every fiber in his being. He barely cared about the people. Everything he did, he did because he was hanging onto one little shining ray of hope that somewhere, Thor was watching over him, and was proud of what he was doing.

 

Or rather, what he was trying very hard to do. The stubbornness of his subjects made it very difficult.

 

He looked for strength everywhere he could. Little rituals helped him get through each day. In the mornings before he went to the throne room to start the day he would pass Thor's room. At first that was all he could do. Thor still seemed to linger here and Loki wanted desperately to capture some glimmer of that familiar presence. At first even looking at that door was painful but still he went. Every morning until he found the strength to reach out and press his hand briefly against the door. It was torture, it was bliss. This was the closest he would ever get to Thor again. That was enough for him to start his day.  
  
As the day droned on, his subjects testing his patience at every turn he would begin to falter. He would pass the door again at night, once more pressing his hand to the door as he went. Good morning and good night. If that was what he needed to get through the night, well, no one had to know. They didn't need to see more of his weakness.  
  
Sometimes, when it wasn't enough for him to sleep, he would find himself outside that door again, just staring at it as if it could give him all the answers he craved. He didn't know why but something called him back to this spot again and again.   
  
It was Thor. Well, not exactly Thor. The memory of Thor. This is where he had died before Loki had the chance to tell him the truth of his feelings for him.  
  
 _That's a lie._ he thought one night as he stood in front of the door. Today had been particularly trying and he hadn't been able to fall asleep. Without him telling them to his feet had led him to this familiar spot and before he knew it he had begun cataloging all his regrets, as if the blank door would suddenly speak to him in Thor's voice, absolving him of all his sins.  
  
 _You had over a hundred years to tell him._ he reminded himself. He had had plenty of chances. He'd just been too afraid. Now he would never get the chance. Not even to say goodbye.

 

But despite his efforts to be discreet, little by little, people _did_ start to notice. There were whispers about the kingdom about how Loki – enemy to Thor, so far as the people were concerned – would stand outside their fallen king’s door, and just _stare_ at it with a strange look on his face. Sometimes he would even _touch_ the door of their beloved late king. The people viewed it as a threat.

 

The people thought he was trying to get back into that _one little part_ of the palace that was blocked off, to honor Thor’s memory. The last place that Thor was inside, and the only place Loki didn’t have access to.

 

The people thought he was being greedy. They assumed he wanted to reach every last inch of the palace before he would be satisfied.

 

And he couldn’t exactly hold a grand meeting and tell the people, “No, I’m touching his door because I was in love with him!”

 

Gods only knows how that would go.

 

So he started to avoid the door instead. He would crave its presence, he was drawn to it day in and day out, but still he avoided it. He couldn’t afford any suspicions from the people. He couldn’t set one single toe out of line.

 

And it was with that realization came the realization also that he hadn’t had a _conversation_ with anyone in a very, very long time. But who would talk to Loki? Certainly not the people. Not Sif, or any of the warriors. No one would talk to Loki.

 

Except…

 

Maybe Heimdall.

Yes, level-headed Heimdall, always the voice of reason.

 

So he sought the old gate keeper out. It was on one of the few days when his schedule wasn't completely full and he had managed to slip away from his 'handlers' as he had started to refer to them. Moving stealthily through the castle and out onto the rebuilt Bifrost, seeking the one man he thought might be able to look beyond his past to who he had become.  
  
He found Heimdall in his typical place, watching over the entrance to the other realms, his back to Loki as he entered. Quietly and as respectfully as he possibly could, the new king sidled up to the man he had wronged so long ago but who he now hoped might be his only salvation.  
  
"Heimdall," he said, by way of greeting.

 

Flinching, distracted, Heimdall fixed his wide eyes down on the young king. He blinked silently for a few beats before nodding his head, his fingers flexing on the hilt of his sword. But he did not speak.

 

Odd. A little disturbing but Heimdall had always been a man of few words. Perhaps he simply didn't see the need to acknowledge his king out loud when it was perfectly clear he knew he was there.  
  
It was disrespectful but Loki decided to overlook it. If he had learned nothing else from his return home he had learned not to let the little things get to him. Instead he pushed forward.  
  
"Perhaps....I was wondering if I might speak with you. About my place here." Loki went on, wincing at how juvenile he sounded. "You are all-seeing Heimdall, if anyone can tell me what my people think it is you."

 

Heimdall took in a slow, deep breath through his nose, before exhaling in a short puff. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again, staring straight ahead instead of looking at Loki.

 

And then he shook his head. Slowly, but deliberately.

 

"You don't know, or you won't tell me?" Loki asked, fists clenching at his sides. Heimdall wouldn't refuse him. He couldn't. He was king. Surely he would answer if he could.   
  
He _had_ to.

 

And again, Heimdall slowly shook his head. It was very clear he wasn’t going to say a thing to Loki.

 

"Fine!" Loki spat, throwing his hands up in defeated fury as he stormed back towards the city. "I had thought perhaps you would be willing to look beyond what I had done but I see now I was wrong. I don't know why I expected anything different. You're as worthless as the rest of them."  
  
The rest of his day wasn't much better. One thing after another only served to make him angrier. There was the smug ambassador for one of the other realms, then a meeting with a committee from the city who refused to acknowledge his authority and then finally a last meeting with the warriors before his day was through.  
  
"Stop!" he shouted, half way through Sif's briefing. He couldn't listen to another minute of her condescension. Her entire briefing seemed to be a list of his short comings and he wouldn't listen to it for one more minute.  
  
"Your highness?" she asked, the word sounding like a curse as it left her lips.  
  
Loki rose from his throne, glaring at her and the others. "Don't use my title now, it means nothing to you. Do not insult my intelligence by pretending otherwise. I know I am not the king you wished for but remember that you are the ones who brought me here! This was your own doing!"  
  
"Sire-" one of the other warriors started, stepping forward.  
  
"Silence!" the trickster bellowed. "I am your king, whether you desire it or not and I will have your respect! I am tired of having to walk through these walls without my authority being recognized. I have been just as much of a king as Thor was and I demand the respect I have earned!"  
  
Words were pouring out of him so fast his mind couldn't keep up. All he had been feeling, his hurt, his loneliness, his fury, was rushing out of him like a tidal wave and there was nothing he could do to ebb the flow.  
  
"And damned Heimdall won't even _speak_ to me! I have had enough!" he finished, chest heaving and breath ragged.

 

“Do try to control your temper, _Loki_.” Sif said, forgoing the title as he’d requested. “Heimdall took a vow of silence when Thor was killed. He isn’t speaking to _anyone_ , let alone you – seeing as you are the reason for Thor’s demise. I can do nothing for how the people view you. You are, as you said, not who they want. I _cannot_ make you Thor. You are _not_ Thor. And you _never will be_ Thor. And that is something you are going to have to live with, for the sake of these people.”

 

For a moment Loki considered giving it all up, putting everything on the line just to reach out and strike her. It would have been oh so satisfying.  
  
But he couldn't. He hadn’t worked this hard to lose it all now. Instead he took his anger out on the nearest object, a footstool in this case, kicking it as hard as he could. Then with a whirl of his cloaks he was gone, so blinded by rage he couldn't care less where he was going. His feet carried him where his heart wanted to go, as far from them as possible.   
  
He didn't realize until he was through the door that he had taken himself to Thor's room. He was half way to tearing the sheets off the bed when it dawned on him where he was.

 

He’d ripped the door right off the hinges almost in his entrance, and he’d surely attracted a good bit of attention at the same time with the noise. He almost second guessed himself, almost left the room. If it got out that he’d forced his way into Thor’s room, the people would be outraged.

 

But he was already so angry, he doubted he could handle the peoples’ response anyway. There was no way he could, not without diffusing his anger, just a little.

 

This was Thor’s room. The bed wasn’t even made – it was stripped of everything but the lowest sheet, which was covered in a dark stain. Blood. Thor’s blood.

 

Outraged, depressed, horrified, Loki screamed and began to break things. Anything he could get his hands on, anything he could lift, he began to throw and rip and smash. Tears were pouring down his face – cold, cold tears.

 

It went on like this for minutes. The warriors were gathered outside the door with horrified expressions on their faces, as well as several palace workers, but no one dared pass the threshold to the room.

 

It wasn’t for a long, long time that Loki finally stopped to take a breath. Shaking with rage and fear and sorrow, his breath was shallow and his face was lined with tears. He looked up, sorrowfully, into the eyes of the terrified warriors. And no one moved.

 

“ _What’s wrong with his face?_ ”

 

Surprised by the whisper from one of the palace attendees, Loki turned to face the mirror of Thor’s he’d smashed. Alarmed wasn’t a strong enough word when he was met with a cracked and warped vision of himself – skin a dark blue, eyes a passionate shade of crimson. It didn’t even look real, it had been so long since he’d seen himself like that.

But of course, when he’d been stripped of his powers, they hadn’t thought to eliminate his Frost Giant capabilities. Why would they think to? There were no Frost Giants on Earth, and the only time Loki ever showed his true colors was when there were other Frost Giants around.

 

But then…

 

Why had he turned now?

 

Exhaling, he could suddenly see his breath before him in a cloud, which slowly evaporated into nothingness. The room began to slowly crystallize, ice and snow creeping over every surface of the trashed room.

 

“ _What’s he doing?_ ” came a terrified whisper from the door.

 

And upon the wall – written in a strange language that Loki both knew and didn’t know, was a message. Shining ice on pale frost, it was plainly visible. Something written there in a language Loki had never learned, but already knew.

 

 _We’ve taken him_ , it said

_As you took our ruler from us, we took yours from you._

_You are never going to get him back._

_Do not try to enter our land to retrieve him_

_We have stationed guards at every entrance to our realm_

_He is ours now_

_May you fall into chaos_

Whispers like a breeze were mingling right outside the door. The warriors, suddenly, absent.

 

Loki would have sworn on his life that his heart stopped beating. He was too cold and too hot all at once. His rage like frozen fire. He burned and froze, caught up in a sudden maelstrom of emotion that tore through his mind like a vengeful hurricane.

 

_"As you took our ruler from us, we took yours from you."_

 

" _Do not try to enter our land to retrieve him"_

 

Thor hadn't been killed. He had been taken. A prisoner of the Frost Giants, not their victim. Thor lived.

 

He was alive!

 

The relief that overtook him was quickly swept away by his fury. Thor lived and no one had tried to save him.

 

He turned to face the council to ask why this was, but found them already absent. He demanded the direction they had gone, and the people in the hall were too frightened to deny him. He was quickly chasing after the council, and found them just moments later in the throne room, standing around the throne and talking to each other in hushed voices.

 

"You lying, snivelling worms." He growled, advancing on them as he spoke, too caught up in his anger to care how much stronger than him they were or how well armed or how he could already see the blue receding from his skin, leaving him Asgardian and powerless once more. All he could see were the people who had betrayed his brother, his lover, their king. Traitors who had left one of their own to die at the hands of the frost giants. And that gave him courage enough to approach them, damn the consequences.  
  
"He relied upon you and you let him down. Worse yet you could not be bothered to stand and fight for the man who called you his friends! You left him to rot at the hands of your enemies, choosing instead to bring in another to take his place. You backstabbing, pitiless traitors. And you accuse me of not being worthy of my place. You lord your goodness and superiority over me. Your arrogance is so astounding its laughable." Loki said with a sneer. "If only the people could see you now. Their great council, in truth the most cowardly of us all."

 

Sif stared at him open-mouthed as accusations flew. When finally the enraged king took a break to breathe, she spoke –

 

“ _WHAT_ in Odin’s name are you _talking_ about?!”

 

Loki glared at her, hardly believing it. The audacity of the woman! To continue to insult his intelligence with this lie!

"The writing on the wall! You saw it, as clearly as I did. Thor lives, captive of the frost giants. Do not pretend you don't know."

 

She looked at him with increasing levels of shock.

 

“Loki, _we don’t read Frost Giant_.” She spat at him with venom in her voice. “I have NO IDEA what that writing on the wall said! From where we were standing, it looked like _you_ put that writing on the wall! All of a sudden you start _changing_ into that… that _thing_ , and the room gets covered in ice! Some bizarre language that none of us can read shows up on the wall after _you_ rip apart Thor’s final resting place – and you dare claim _we_ are traitors?!”

 

"That magic had been there for a very long time." Loki fumed. "Since they took Thor. The words would have been there, clear as day. Im sure we have a linguist who could have deciphered what it said. Even if, and I don't believe this for a moment, you didn't notice it you must have noticed that _his body was missing_."

 

“No such thing occurred, Loki.” Sif snarled. “The accusations you are making are wild and ridiculous. Thor _died_ in the room you just ripped apart. You may be clinging to the hope that some how, by some miracle, your brother is alive. But you need to _wake up_ and accept the fact that he is _gone_. Now if you’ll excuse me, we have to deal with the terror that is going to ripple through the kingdom from the people who witnessed you take out your rage on their king’s place of rest.”

 

"I DID NOT EXCUSE YOU!" Loki bellowed, causing the warrior to freeze where she stood. "I am you king! You will treat me with the respect I deserve, do you understand me! I know you are lying and I will not stand for it! Thor is not dead and if you continue to lie to me I will show you no mercy!"  
  
He was shaking with fury now. Thor was alive, he knew he was. He had seen the writing on the wall. He could still see it, the image burned into his mind. He knew it was true. And he would see her and all the others executed if they continued to lie to him.

 

“As king, YOU should be doing something to quell the fear that will cause an uprising against you sooner rather than later.” Sif said on her way out the door. “But seeing as you are suffering under delusions that the man we all watched die is still alive, you are not going to do such things. Which means it is up to us to stop the people from revolting. They loved Thor, and you just disrespected him in the worst way possible – by desecrating his grave. Good day, _your majesty._ ”

 

For the first time Loki hesitated. What if he was wrong? He was sure of what he saw but what if it hadn't been put there by the Frost Giants? What if his own anger and loneliness had caused the icy words to form, as a manifestation of his own desires. It was certainly possible, and in his state of mind he couldn't rule it out.  
  
And if he had then Sif was right. He had disrespected Thor in the most shameful, cruel way possible and that wasn't what he wanted. He would never insult Thor's memory in such a way. He loved Thor and had been working all this time to honor him. It was sickening to think he may have just destroyed his brother's grave.  
  
If that was what it was. Part of him still wasn't sure.  
  
Confused and scared and angry he turned his back on his council and fled the room. It was a low, cowardly thing to do but he knew they would expect no less of him. He needed to get out of the palace, away from those accusing glares to clear his head.  
  
He ran and ran, not stopping until he could run no farther. He had come to the furthest reaches of Asgard, to the Bifrost where Heimdall stood his constant vigil.  
  
"Heimdall!" Loki gasped, out of breath and near to tears. He pulled himself up as tall as he could and approached the old gate keeper. "Please, Heimdall. You know the truth of all that happens here. Answer me, please."  
  
Silence.   
  
Anger flaring again he barely managed to keep from reaching out and shaking the other man. "As your king I command you to break your vow and answer me!"

 

“Your brother is in grave danger and the council has created a lie to avoid war with the Frost Giants.” Heimdall said very quickly, all in one breath, as if he’d been waiting a very long time to say it indeed. A smile broke across his face. “Thank you for ordering me to speak. The council commanded me quiet so I would not reveal to you the truth.”

 

Loki stood in shocked silence, too surprised to move or even breath. It was nothing he hadn't just accused the warriors of but to have it confirmed was overwhelming. But if there was one thing Loki was good at it was turning a bad situation in his favor.  
  
Within moments his mind was reeling, one by one plans were thought up then discarded. He needed to save Thor, that much was clear. But how to do it, without sending Asgard into turmoil seemed near to impossible.  
  
"Heimdall, we can't leave Thor there." he said finally, beginning to pace.

 

“That is why the council did not want you to know. They knew that you would want to rescue him at all costs, including, they believed, Asgard. The Frost Giants are positioned at every known entrance to their land, and even some unknown. And they are prepared for war if you attempt to take Thor back.”

 

"Then they can't know I'm there." Loki replied. He could get into Jotunheim, he had no doubt about that. He had been sneaking out of Asgard for years. Most of the paths didn't even require magic unless he was trying to cloud Heimdall's sight so he would not know. That wouldn't be necessary now.  
  
"Can you tell me where Thor is? What sort of conditions are they keeping him under?" he asked.

 

Heimdall looked skeptical. “He is kept in a dungeon 5,000 feet above the ground, suspended with an ancient magic. His legs are broken, and he is given just enough sustenance to keep him alive. But surely you don’t expect that you are going to retrieve him on your own… especially without any of your magic.”

 

Loki scoffed. "You think they could take away all my powers Heimdall? I still have the powers I was born with. Where is the tower?"

 

“Even so, with your Frost Giant abilities you are still a third the size of _one_ Giant.” Heimdall continued, ignoring Loki’s question. “You cannot hope to get to Thor. Not only is it almost impossible to get _to_ him, but stealthily, without notice? And then to bring him home, with his legs broken? There is no way you can do it. You will die, and Asgard will be without a ruler.”

 

Loki shrugged off the jab at his size. He was shorter than most Asgardians, let alone the Frost Giants. It bothered him to a certain degree but not enough to distract him.   
  
"Getting to Thor is hardly the problem as long as I don't lose my way. There is an artifact in the vault that will allow Thor to use his legs with minimal pain." Loki said. "If all goes according to plan and you help me I will bring Thor home and Asgard's true king will have his throne."  
  
 _And I'll return to exile,_ he thought silently.

 

Heimdall sighed. “I cannot. It would be foolish to help you. The Warriors may not have made the best choice in lying to you, but it is justified. They don’t want to put Asgard in danger. If you are seen by even _one_ Frost Giant, you will do exactly that – they will wage war on our kingdom, and you will not only be powerless to stop it, but you won’t even _be here_ to help fight. You had the right to know you were being lied to, but do not prove the Warriors right by doing exactly what they were trying to prevent. As king, you must put the needs of your kingdom above your own needs. However emotionally distraught you may be over the loss of your brother, you must remain here. The people need you, even if they won’t admit it.”

 

"Asgard will never accept me as king and I can not accept my title while Thor rots in Jotunheim." Loki sighed. "I have to try, or I will never forgive myself. If I die trying it is no great loss.” He stopped pacing to stand in front of Heimdall, sizing the man up. "But you are right, I can not leave Asgard without a ruler. Someone must rule in my place while I am gone."

 

“You cannot simply push your duties onto someone else. I cannot allow you to leave in this time of need. Your people might not accept you, but _you_ need to accept the fact that _you’re all they have_. When you die in your suicide mission to rescue Thor, the kingdom will be without you, _and_ without your brother. Can’t you understand? The people will be demanding answers as to why you have destroyed what they believe to be where their king died. If you vanish completely at this time, the kingdom will believe you have done something truly awful, and they will panic.” He sighed and put his hand on Loki’s shoulder. “I know you want to save your brother. I know you have high hopes that you will come back with Thor in hand and the people will rejoice and you will feel so very good about yourself when you approach the council and throw their lie in their face. But right now, you are the king. And it is up to you to be mature and responsible enough to realize the fact that you _cannot_ go running off. Now, or ever.”

 

"I do not want to be king!" Loki shouted. "Never, never in my life have I wanted to be king of Asgard! I can not stay here, sitting on that throne, wasting away for a people who do not want me on it. I'm dying here Heimdall. At the very least if I die saving Thor I will have done something. If you can not accept what I am doing at least try to understand."

 

“This isn’t _ABOUT_ what you want, Loki!” Heimdall roared. “You _ARE_ king, like it or not! Every last little thing you do is for the good of the _people_. You _cannot_ go running off on a selfish personal mission. If you do, you spit in the face of your people – you say to them you never cared about them at all. Whether or not that is true, it is your duty as king to _always_ put their needs before your own.”

 

"Thor _is_ what they need!" Loki yelled back, tears finally spilling down his cheeks. "You're not changing my mind Heimdall! Tell the council if you wish, they won't be able to stop me either. I'm going to do whatever it takes to bring Thor back. You might think I'm being selfish but he is the king of Asgard and it is my duty to bring him safely back to his kingdom."

 

Heimdall’s expression darkened. “You are right. You are absolutely unfit to be king. The kingdom will be better off if you are dead, with or without Thor. If you are so blinded by your own emotions that you are willing to risk the kingdom’s fall, then you are no Asgardian. You are no king. Begone with you then. I will tell the council that you have fled, and left your kingdom to fend for itself.”

 

"I had hoped to leave someone better than myself on the throne." Loki ground out, his teeth clenched tight. "I see now there is no one I can trust. Thank you for making that so clear to me Heimdall."

With that he turned his back on the gate keeper and walked back to his city. As he went he tried to feel the sadness and guilt Heimdall had been trying to illicit but he could not. He had no love for the people of Asgard. Only Thor. Everything he had done as king had been done out of love for the man he had believed dead. Now that he knew he was alive he felt nothing but the determination to find him.


	4. Chapter 4

Getting to Jotunheim without the Bifrost was harder for Loki than it had been in the past. The secret passages and opening he had exploited before resisited him without his magic and he could feel Heimdall's gaze upon him where before he had been shielded. Yet he was not entirely without abilities and eventually he found himself on the icy planet that had been his birthplace. He looked around and pulled his cloak more tightly around himself though the cold did not effect him as it did true Asgardians. He knew he was in an enemies’ land and though he had yet to see any he could not put aside the sense that he was not alone.   
  
He tried to put his fear aside to focus on where Thor might be. Such a precious captive would be kept at the very heart of their kingdom, probably suspended above the palace. He set off down the path, having come this way twice before, though his motives had been very different. The first time he had been a warrior then an ally. On this occasion he could not be imagined for anything but an enemy so he was careful to stay in the shadows and cover his path.

 

Hiding from the Frost Giants was terrifying. He would see one coming, and he would duck into a space so small that they could not possibly see him well down in the shadows. He was safe, really, but fright still pulled his senses taut, and kept him sharp.

_He is kept in a dungeon 5,000 feet above the ground, suspended with an ancient magic..._

Even if Loki did find this suspended prison, how would he get up there? His mind was reeling as he snuck from shadow to shadow, his black cloak keeping him perfectly shrouded. With his dark hair and his specifically selected black clothing, he looked like nothing more than a scurrying black beetle, were the Jotuns to look down, or perhaps a shadow that had lost its boulder.

 

He reached the palace later than he would have liked but it didn't matter. Jotunheim had neither night nor day. Just cold. He found a side gate and slipped inside, glad that there were no guards on duty. Though, he supposed, without a king why bother guarding the palace? All they would need to guard would be the prisoner.

He made his way silently to the top of the castle, his cloak whispering on the cobblestones, all the while planning a way to get to the top.

 

Hiding behind a derelict spire, he peered up at the suspended fortress.

 

_How am I to –_

His thoughts were cut short when a massive hand clamped down over his shoulder.

 

The heavy hand nearly knocked him over but Loki managed to keep his balance and keep calm long enough to turn and face his assailant.  
  
"I take it this is private property?" he asked, hoping the words came out as biting as he had intended.

 

“Tresspasser,” the giant snarled. “Son of Asgard, you have just started a war.”

 

"I am no son of Asgard. " Loki snapped. He had to think fast. Being arrested would not get him any closer to saving Thor. "Nor am I here to start a war. I have information that may be beneficial o your people."

 

“You have started a war just by coming here.” The giant continued, drawing his sword, which was easily as long as Loki himself. “Your people got our message in your king’s chamber.”

 

"The Asgardians can not read Frost Giant script." Loki answered fiercely. "They know only that you have taken their king and their gatekeeper tells them you stand ready to invade. They know nothing else."

 

“ _You_ know.” The giant thundered. “Else you would not have taken the hidden route into our world.” He seized Loki by the arm. “You will be thrown in prison, and then we will march into Asgard and destroy everything we can touch.”

 

Loki paused. Here was his way into Thor's dungeon but he had no intention of allowing a war to start on his watch.  
  
"Allow me to make a deal. I came here to negotiate with your people. I will go willingly to the prison but from there I request a meeting with your rulers before you begin your invasion."

 

“I have no reason to meet your request.” The giant took Loki by both his shoulders now, and lifted him off the ground like a kitten.

 

"I have important information about what became of your king's son!" Loki said without meaning to. The words had just slipped out a desperate bid to save himself.

 

The giant paused, still holding Loki off the ground. With a little shifting, he was turned to face the massive blue man.

 

“Our king’s son died.” He said. “He was lost in the war.”

 

The giant paused, still holding Loki off the ground. With a little shifting, he was turned to face the massive blue man.

 

“Our king’s son died.” He said. “He was lost in the war.”

 

"He was never found. No body was recovered because he was not killed." Loki said, covering a sigh of relief. "I know what became of him."

 

The giant thought this over for a moment.

 

“Very well, I will speak with the appointed leader. You will remain in prison until then.”

 

And then they were ascending, on a pillar of ice, higher and higher into the air. It became bitter cold the higher they lifted, until they were at the gate of the floating fortress. The two guards at the gate uncrossed their spears, and the giant carried Loki in through the archway.

 

A few hallways later, and he’s being roughly thrown into a cell. Thor isn’t there, and he saw no sign of him on the way. Ice began to form around his wrists, pinning him to the wall.

 

“You will stay here. Do not try to escape. The fall will kill you.”

 

And just like that, he was gone.

 

Loki waited until the giant's foot steps had faded before turning his attention to the icy manacles. He could see the skin on his arms turning blue already as they always did when Jotun magic was near by. Normally he would have summoned a fire to melt the ice but without his Asgardian magic he would have to find another means.  
  
So he turned his mind inward, focusing on the spreading blue skin. He could feel power there, raw and untapped. He had felt something similar when using his learned Asgardian magic but this was more primal. He focused that power on the ice around his arms and sent it out, trying to influence the ice as the frost giants did. At first the ice only cracked but upon his second attempt it melted away completely leaving him free to move about the dungeon.   
  
The walls behind and in front of him were solid except for the barred window on the door. In opposition the walls on either side of him were made of icy bars and he could see into the cells beyond though they were too dark to see much.  
  
"Thor?" he called softly, moving to one of the barred walls.

 

There was no response, though Loki’s voice echoed all throughout the dungeon. He feared the guards hearing him at the gate, but after several seconds of tense silence passed, he knew they were not investigating, or simply did not hear.

 

"Thor!" he tried again, a little louder. He was growing nervous. Maybe Heimdall had lied to him. Maybe Thor was dead after all. Maybe they had wanted to trick him into leaving. He wouldn't be surprised if they had.

 

Still no response. He thought he heard some muttering between the guards outside. Panic was settling in now, and he was beginning to believe that they had indeed tricked him into abandoning Asgard. 

 

Loki sat down against the wall of his cell, exhaling in defeat. He couldn't believe his own foolishness. It was a clever plan they had come up with, truly. Send him to Jotunheim, of his own free will, under the pretense of Thor being in danger so they could get rid of him. Perhaps they had intended for him to be executed. They had made no secret of wanting his head when he was first tried so long ago. Now they had found a way to do it without breaking their word to Thor.  
  
"I am so sorry Thor." he said, speaking to the memory of his brother that he had tried to hard to honor as king. All that good work was ruined now.

 

He curled into the fetal position and began to cry.

 

They were quiet, bitter, tearless sobs that rocked his body to the core. He felt like a child, and he desperately wanted Thor to appear as he did when they were young, dry his tears and invite him to build a blanket fort.

 

But then something catches his attention. It’s only there for a moment, but it’s so crystal clear it might as well have happened directly beside the trickster.

 

It was the gentle scrape of metal against frozen cobblestone, down the hall in the opposite direction from the front gate.

 

"Thor?" Loki called again, scrambling over towards the wall closest to the noise. "Thor is that you?"

 

He hears a weak, thick groan, and nothing else. It was deep and rumbling, in all the ways that Loki knows to be Thor’s voice.

He slumped against the bars with an audible cry of relief. It hadn't been a lie or his imagination. Thor was there and alive, though certainly in pain but hey could fix that later. All that mattered then was that Thor was alive and he could bring him home.

 

That is, if he could get out of his cell.

 

“Thor, I’m coming!” he hissed down the hall as he inspected the bars. They were made of metal, coated with ice. Digging into his powers with all the courage and strength he could muster, he began to melt the ice from two of the bars. Once it was gone, he sprayed frost from his finger tips and froze them again. Then he melted the ice, frosted and froze it, melted, frosted, over and over and over.

 

It was nearly half an hour, and he was scared that his time might be running out, but he kept on. Freezing, melting and freezing. The bars grew more and more brittle, until with one solid kick, they shattered apart and Loki tumbled back to the ground. In a panic, he sprayed snow out of his fingers so the bars did not make a sound as they landed on the ground.

 

With a deep breath, he slunk in between the bars and sprinted soundlessly down the hall. He turned a corner, and there was Thor.

 

Loki let out a sob and his knees gave out.

 

Thor’s hair was brown and filthy with dirt and blood. His beard was long and messy, caked with blood. His eyes were bruised and his lips were chapped and split apart, and his throat had some very apparent finger-shaped bruises. His chest was bare and scratched and bruised, his arms were pinned above his head in metal shackles that had chafed his wrists bloody. His fingers were dark with frost bite, and crooked unnaturally.

 

His legs were mangled and dark with blood, and his bare feet were blackened as well. His head was hung, his skin was greyed and his body looked so, so fragile. He’d lost enough weight that it was clear just by looking at him from through the bars.

 

Loki repeated his previous actions to break the bars of Thor's cell as well. Once inside he moved to the man's side and gently touched his face, holding back his natural abilities so as not to further his frost bite. Thor seemed to be unconscious, which would make this harder, but he was breathing and that gave Loki hope. Once they were home the healers could fix whatever damage had been done.  
  
He removed his cloak and draped it over Thor's bare shoulders to provide him with some warmth. Loki was completely transformed now and did not notice the cold. In fact the temperature was nearly perfect and he knew Thor needed every scrap of clothing he could get.  
  
Once he was sure as much of Thor was covered as possible he began to work on the shackles holding his arms.

 

Thor’s bloodied head raised after a moment and he peered upwards. All of the fire and light was gone out of his eyes, they were almost grey in the dim light. He blinked his glassy eyes at Loki, looking at him, but not seeing.

 

He dropped his head again with a moan, and he felt a spike of pain ripple through him.

 

“Even now…” he moaned, his voice strained and dry, “I am plagued by visions of you… will you never leave me be?” 

 

Loki paused and touched Thor's cheek again. Hearing Thor sound so broken and knowing that he had thought of him all this time pained him to the very core. It seemed that neither of them had ever truly let the other go.  
  
"I am here Thor. Your visions mean nothing now. I am real."

 

Thor was no numb that he didn’t feel Loki’s touch. He shook his head weakly, his dirty hair scattering over his shoulders.

 

“Away,” he moaned, his body shaking with pain and grief. “Away, apparition, leave me in peace,”

 

Loki frowned and took a handful of Thor's dirty hair, giving it a sharp tug that caused the other man to wince.  
  
"Do you believe me now?" he asked, feigning annoyance.

 

Thor’s eyes seemed a little more focused now as he looked up at Loki. He was more aware than he had been for weeks, and his muscles were aching again, startled out of their atrophy.

 

“Loki?” he whispered, and tears began to cut bright white lines down the blood and dirt on his face.

 

"Yes Thor. I'm here. I'm going to save you." Loki said, wiping away the tears before they could freeze to Thor's skin. "I'm going to take you home."

 

Thor’s eyes rolled back and his head dropped, and he was unconscious again, unable to handle the emotional stress.

 

Loki didn't bother to wake him. He went back to work freezing and unfreezing the chains that held Thor until they were brittle enough to break. With one arm he supported the now much lighter god while he snapped the chains to keep him from falling onto his already broken legs.  
  
Once Thor was free he lowered his softly to the ground and set about making him as comfortable as possible.

 

Thankful he remembered to bring the artifact of temporary healing, Loki quickly affixed the charm to Thor’s belt buckle. His legs began to mend, cracking loudly in the quiet air as they went. Loki feared they would be found, it had been almost an hour and a half now, but still they were safe.

 

He knew that Thor’s legs would break again after he removed the charm, and that it would be incredibly painful, but for now it was all he could do to get Thor out alive.

 

He sat beside Thor, using discarded articles of his own clothing to cover the other man and give him some semblance of warmth until he woke up. He still wasn't sure how to get them out of here but at least they were together now.

 

He wasn’t sure how much time passed. He had Thor’s head pillowed in his lap, and he was almost halfway through detangling his messy hair when those glassy eyes opened again.

 

Staring upwards, unfocused, Thor groaned. He seemed somewhat more aware now that he was warmer, even though his body was lying on the frozen floor.

 

“Loki?” he asked, his voice as cracked as his lips. “No… you are not… who are you?”

 

His blurred vision made it difficult to see, but he could see a form above him with glowing red eyes and deep blue skin. He groaned and squirmed, trying to escape from the form of the Jotun sitting over him.

 

Loki flinched. He had forgotten what he must look like and how terrifying and disgusting he must be to Thor in this form. It hurt that Thor did not recognize him but he was not surprised. Thor loved the Asgardian Loki, not the monster underneath.  
  
"It is I, Thor." he said, pulling away to give the other man some space. "This is me as I was born to look. It will fade once we leave, I promise."

 

Thor rolled over onto his stomach, the wounds in his chest stinging. Lying under the cloak, the numbness thawed, and he was on fire with pain again. His fingers were frozen almost solid and very hard to maneuver, but he was given partial mobility with the charm. Seizing with pain, he gave up trying to sit up.

 

“Loki, you… wh… what are you doing here? How did you get here?” he croaked, panting with effort. His elbows were rubbed bloody on the stone from his attempt to sit, and he resigned to keep his chest off the ground by resting on them.

 

"I came through one of the secret paths between the realms." Loki answered, wincing at the fresh blood staining Thor's arms. He hated to see him in so much pain. "When I learned you had been taken I came for you. I could not leave you here to die in my place."

 

“You… why… you were in Asgard?” Thor asked breathlessly, bewildered.

 

"You..of course you don't know." Loki said with a sigh. He had forgotten that Thor would have had no idea he had been named king in his place. He would have no idea that the council had lied and told all of Asgard that their king had been murdered.   
  
"Sif came to Earth after you had been gone for some time. She told me you had been killed as revenge for Laufey's murder and that as I was still recognized as Odin's son I was next in line for the throne. I have spent months ruling in your stead because I thought you had been killed." Loki explained.

 

Thor had a funny expression as he listened, and then he finally seemed to find the strength to sit.

 

“You… you have been ruling?” he repeated, trying to imagine it. “She said I was _killed?_ ”

 

Loki nodded. "She said you died in your bed. I was supposed to rule in your place." he paused and looked away. "It has not been easy. Time has not changed how our people feel about me."

 

Thor swallowed dryly, rubbing his palms over his eyes. “So what happens now?” he asked weakly, looking utterly defeated.

 

"Now we find a way out." Loki said. "It won't be easy, especially with your injuries so we will have to be clever. How often does someone open your door?"

 

Thor shook his head tiredly. “I have had no concept of time. I do not know if I have been here one week or ten years.”

 

"Do they ever come in here?" Loki asked.

 

“Their visits are few and far between.” Thor said weakly, looking out the barred window, high in the cell wall. “One will come, force feed me, check my binds, and then leave.”

 

Loki nodded. His plan to disable a guard coming to feed Thor and escape through the open door was useless then. He had no idea when the next visit might be and they didn't have that kind of time.  
  
"Then we will go back to my cell. You will hide yourself in the shadows when the guards come. I have already told them I have information about their lost prince." he grimaced. "Perhaps revealing myself will buy us the time we need to get away."

 

“What will happen to you then?” Thor asked wearily. He wasn’t sure he could spend much more time in this place. Sustained through forced feeding, and kept unfrozen with spells, his existence was nothing but suffering these past weeks, months, years? He didn’t know.

 

"I will take you back to Asgard. Then you will be king and I will return to my life as it was." Loki replied matter of factly, as though the truth didn't wound him to the core. As if he didn't mind being sent back to his pitiful existence on Earth. None of that mattered anyway, a long as Thor was alright.

 

“Will you be safe if you reveal yourself to them?” Thor asked, “Or will they want you to remain here and lead them?”

 

Loki laughed at that. "No doubt they will be as ashamed of me as the Asgardians. I am a pitiful excuse for a frost giant. Even my true father left me for dead. They might be interested for a while but if I were to leave it would be no great loss."

 

Thor nodded grimly, trying not to think about all the horrible things they could do to Loki.

 

It was just then that he noticed his legs did not burn or ache. Looking down, he answered his own question as soon as he laid eyes on the charm fastened to his belt. With a bitter sort of laugh, he tapped on its glass face, sending the magic swirling red and pink inside.

 

“They will not be happy when they learn you took this from the treasure room,” he said.

 

"I am king. It's my treasure room." Loki replied haughtily. "Now do you think you can stand?"

 

Thor laughed warmly now, the sound of Loki’s righteous indignance brought a smile to his face. He loved the sassy side of Loki.

 

“I can stand, I think,” he said, using the wall for support as he picked himself up on shaking, throbbing legs. They felt heavy and dull, and he knew that was because they were not really healed. His bare feet stung, and his whole body creaked as he finally came to a stand.

 

But then pain overtook him, and he had to collapse against the wall again, his back raw as he slid down a few inches.

 

“I cannot,” he corrected, taking shallow, ragged breaths as he tried to move past the pain swirling inside him. He’d been sitting for far too long, and his muscles were weakened with atrophy.

 

Loki nodded and pulled one of Thor's arms over his shoulder. The man was still heavy but the lack of food and movement had left his significantly lighter than he had been the last time Loki had seen him. He was light enough now that Loki could support a good portion of his weight.  
  
"I will help you then. It will probably hurt but it is only a short distance." he said, helping Thor to his feet once again.

 

Thor leaned heavily on his brother as they made their way down the hall. He kept his teeth clenched tightly shut to keep from crying out as his feet split open bloody on the rocks. His skin was so brittle after such terrible treatment, almost like paper in its fragility, and almost any movement caused new wounds to open.

 

He welcomed the ground as soon as he was back in Loki’s cell, and he was covered quickly with the cloak, lying atop the over-tunic the trickster had been wearing. Thor lost conscious almost instantly.

 

Loki took his place against the back wall, sitting directly in front on the doors so there would be no chance of the guards missing him, freed and obviously not of Asgard. Hopefully they would be too surprised to look carefully around the room and they would leave before spotting Thor. Once he was out of the cell it would no doubt be unlocked and when he awoke Thor might be able to escape and hide himself until Loki could come back for him.

 

He regretted not talking their plan through more thoroughly when a few Jotuns appeared only minutes later. He could not tell if the one from before had come along with, they all looked the same to him.

 

They froze where they stood, staring at Loki, who was sitting calmly in the middle of his cell with his legs crossed and his hands on his knees. His skin was a vibrant blue and his eyes a vengeful shade of red, and his face was as serene as glass.

 

The bars were shattered across the floor with ice, the shackles melted from the wall, and here Loki was, all carefully practiced tranquility and quiet seething. It would have been quite the sight to see, had Thor not been both unconscious and hidden. 

 

"I told you I was not of Asgard." he said calmly, deciding to assume one of them was the one who had brought him in. And if it wasn't him well, the natural air of smug superiority could only be an asset to him now. He rose fluidly from the ground and brushed himself off. "Now I believe I made an appointment with your current leaders."

 

The Jotuns watched in stunned silence as the tiny Frost Giant stepped through the broken bars and walked directly between them, as if he knew exactly where he was going.

 

“You,” he addressed the two guards standing outside the doors, who also looked at him, stunned. “Both of you. I want you to come with.”

 

“But – ” the slightly smaller one started to protest.

 

“The prisoner isn’t going anywhere,” Loki sneered. “You broke his legs and we’re thousands of feet off the ground. I want you to come. You aren’t going to want to miss this.”

 

His throat was tight as he watched the giant guards look at the others, who gave them a nod. They lowered their spears and just like that, all six Jotuns were descending.

 

Thor was awoken as soon as the Jotuns entered, and he waited a good long while before daring to venture out from beneath the cloak. He quickly wrapped it about his body and fastened it, but he knew there was no way he would fit into Loki’s tunic. Instead, he ripped the sleeves off and fashioned himself shoes with the strips of cloth. Anything to keep his feet off the frozen ground. He walked to the entrance of the prison and looked down, watching the Jotuns and Loki reach the ground, and already he was formulating a plan to get to the ground.

 

Loki worked hard to keep himself from looking over his shoulder as he was led away from the tower. He reminded himself that he would not be able to see Thor anyway but it was difficult not to check all the same. Instead he focused on keeping his head held high and his back straight as he was led across the icy ground into the Jotun temple.  
  
The long room was lined with Jotun who had crammed themselves against the walls. For the first time Loki caught sight of several frost giantesses watched him with a curious gleam in their eyes. At the end of the long room, seated on a dais, was a group of the five largest Jotun warriors he had ever seen.  
  
"You are the Jotun council then?" he asked when he was standing before them.

 

“We are.” The largest man said, sitting right in the middle. “And you are an infant?”

 

Snide laughter rippled through the other Jotuns in the room.

Loki smiled magnanimously, and raised his hands in a show of compliance.   
  
"No doubt my time as Odin's trophy has stunted my growth. I only recently became aware of my true lineage." he said. "But I am sure there are some who will remember that Laufey's son started his life smaller than most."

 

Whispers of realization began to titter through the gathered crowds. The largest of the warrior’s eyes narrowed.

 

“What are you suggesting?” he said, choosing his words carefully.

 

"I was with the Asgardian prince Thor and his friends when they rode into Asgard centuries ago, shortly before your king was killed. Through chance I learned then that I was not what I had always believed." he answered, staring unerringly into the Jotun's eyes. "After the battle I demanded the truth from Odin who told me that when he had defeated the frost giants and taken more than just the source of your power. He told me that when the battle was over he found a child in this very room and he took it back to Asgard. He raised me as his own son in hopes that a Jotun prince, raised in an Asgardian palace might someday unite our worlds."  
  
His expression turned dark. "Understandably I was not all too keen to assist him."

 

“ _You_ are the lost prince?” the giant said, obviously not too keen to believe him. “Do you have proof?”

 

"What sort of proof would you accept?" Loki asked mildly.

 

The giant turned his head to a giantess and gave her a nod, and she scurried away, returning moments later with a small box. However, when it was placed on the ground in front of Loki, it almost reached his knees. There were icy vines circling its dark stone surface, and a large flat blue gem.

 

“That was King Laufey’s most prized possession, and it was his intention to pass it down to his son when he came of age. It is spelled to open only to his touch, or his son’s.” the warrior explained.

 

Loki looked down at the box and knelt down before it, placing his hand on the gem. It was cold under his palm but pleasantly so. The vines slowly uncurled from over the lid, but still he hesitated to open it. He could not help fearing that it would remain locked for him. He knew he was Laufey's son, Odin would not have made up such a thing, but he had been gone so long and had spent so long as an Asgardian that he could not help fearing whatever connection he had once shared with his true father had been broken and the box would reject him.  
  
He could feel the eyes of all the Jotun on him and he knew he could not delay much longer. Steeling himself for what might happen he grasped the lid of the box and lifted it.

 

It creaked open with a crack of ice, and Loki laid his eyes on a silver pillow within. Lying across the pillow was an intricately carved silver dagger, with a crystalline glass blade, gilded with silver flecks and blue gems. The handle alone was nearly as long as Loki’s forearm, and while it would have been a rather simple ceremonial, decorative dagger for any regular Jotun, it was more of a sword to his small form.

 

But there was no denying its beauty. It was crafted brilliantly, all sharp edges and icy in its appearance, the light gleaming off the mirrored handle.

 

Gasps filled the room as Loki lifted the dagger from its box (it took both hands) and let the light scatter off its blade. It cast rainbows all across the room from its prismed blade. Whispers filled the room, and then suddenly the crowd was falling to its knees. Even the warriors bowed their heads.

 

Loki couldn't help smiling. This was exactly what he had craved for so long. To be seen as someone worthy of admiration and to be treated with the respect he deserved. And there he was, surrounded by a room full of some of the fiercest beings in all the realms, bowing down before him without needing to be ordered or forced.   
  
"I hope this is proof enough for you." Loki said to the councilman, holding the blade proudly. It was heavy.

 

“It is irrefutable. You are the rightful King of this land,” the council giant said with a nod. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly when Loki’s expression faltered. “Is that not the reason you presented yourself? Why else would you have come with news of your royal blood?”

 

"I had thought you would want to know what became of your lost prince." Loki replied feeling very uncomfortable. He had only hoped to keep them distracted for a while so Thor could leave the tower, not to be declared king. "I know nothing of Jotunheim."

 

“You can be taught.” The councilman said. “Surely you do not plan to return to _Asgard_ after you have been offered a role as King here? We are your people, not they.”

 

Loki couldn't help considering it. No one hated him here. No one would look at him like he was lower than dirt. No one would whisper behind his back. If he stayed he would be the rightful king, not the fill in they found after losing their true monarch. He would be respected, adored, and given everything he could ever want.  
  
On the other hand, if he stayed he would lose Thor forever. He would never be able to return to Asgard and see his beloved again. No matter what happened they would never be together.  
  
"It is certainly not something I can decide without some serious thought." he lied.

 

“Shiyla will bring you to Laufey’s chambers, where you can think it over.” The council gestured back towards the woman from before, who lifted the box after Loki replaced the dagger, giving him a sorry sort of expression, as if apologizing that she had to carry it for him. She didn’t want to insult his pride. He wanted this sort of recognition so badly it ached.

 

Could he live without Thor? He doubted it.

 

He was brought to a room that was ornately decorated with stone and silver and ice, and despite what he was told, he could not help but feel it wasn’t his. Shiyla went to put the box on the table beside the bed, but upon noticing that the massive structure almost came up to Loki’s shoulders, she instead put it on the floor as a means for him to make his way to the covers.

 

With a bow of her head, she ducked away from the room.

 

Loki opened the chest to remove the dagger again. It was truly beautiful and while everything else in this realm felt foreign and wrong he could not help the immediate attachment he felt to the object. He closed the box and climbed onto the bed, throwing the dagger-sword before him.  
  
Could he stay? He wasn't sure. He had no other place, not really. No one other than Thor had ever welcomed his presence before and he liked it. He liked that they wanted him. He liked that he could rule them as he was meant to.  
  
But he loved being with Thor.

 

And then suddenly it seemed as though his mind had been made up for him. He felt the warmth of the bifrost opening, and he snatched up the sword as quickly as he could so as not to lose it. He clutched it to his chest and colors swirled all around him.

 

And then he was sitting on the ground in the bifrost. Thor was leaning up against the wall, some of the color returned to his cheeks in the warmth of the Asgardian night air.

 

“You have started something terrible,” Heimdall warned gently, but his tone was forgiving. He celebrated Thor’s return, Loki could see it in his wide, solemn eyes.

 

Thor was shivering as his body continued to thaw, and he gave Loki the smallest of hopeful smiles.

 

"I did what was necessary." Loki countered and rushed to Thor's side. "Go fetch a healer. Tell them to bring a sorcerer who can magic him back to the king's chambers. He wont be able to walk and carrying him will only make the wounds worse."

 

Heimdall walked briskly across the rainbow bridge, looking very pleased that he was the one who got to deliver the first whispers of Asgard’s king’s return.

 

Thor lifted his hand as soon as Heimdall was gone, and he cupped the side of Loki’s face. “We are the edge of war,” he said, “Because of this. But… I think we will be alright. I cannot express with words my gratitude that you came to rescue me when no one else did.”

 

"I could never have left you there." Loki said. "I could never leave you at all."  
  
And it was true, he knew it was. No matter what he had been offered Thor would always be worth more to him. All the realms could have been laid at his feet, their peoples begging for him to rule them and if he had to he would still choose Thor.

 

Thor pulled Loki forward to lay him across his chest, and he cared not for the ripple of pain it sent through him. His wounds were thawing and bleeding again, but neither he nor Loki cared that it was getting on their bodies. He held Loki close, wrapping his arms strong around him, and closed his eyes.

 

"I love you." Loki whispered as the warmth from Thor's body and the air seeped into his skin, the blue receding rapidly. He could stay like this forever but they didn't have that option. All too soon Heimdall returned with the healer and the sorcerer and Loki was rolled aside so they could levitate him back to his chambers. Loki saw curious men and women looking out their windows at the man being magicked to the capital and he could see the shock on their faces when they saw their fallen king. He felt a little smug, knowing that by morning everyone in Asgard will have known of the council's treachery.  
  
They reached the palace and Loki was ordered to stay outside the room while the healer worked. He tried to argue that he was king and could go wherever he pleased but to no avail. He was overruled and locked out of his own chambers to wait in the hall.

 

It wasn’t until an hour later when Thor was demanding Loki be at his side that the healer reluctantly called the younger man inside. He was at Thor’s side in an instant, grabbing one of his hands in both of his own.

 

“We will call a meeting with the council first thing in the morning.” Thor whispered, tucking some of Loki’s hair behind his ear as the healers and sorcerers left the two brothers to be alone. “And it just so happens that because of their treason and lies, I think they’re unfit to declare a punishment for you. In fact, I think you should continue your punishment here on Asgard, directly at my side, where I can keep a _very_ close eye on you.” He smiled at Loki dimly, and Loki can tell he’s exhausted. He probably hasn’t gotten any real sleep in months.

 

"You mean that?" Loki asked but he knew it was true. Thor didn't lie. Of all the people in Loki's life who had betrayed him Thor had never lied. He might have thought him a traitor but he has seen the truth and he would give anything to be with him.

 

“Of course I mean that,” Thor squeezed Loki’s hand with a playful look in his eyes. “You just broke into Jotunheim against the rules, that deserves some punishment. You’re going to be by my side so I can make sure you won’t run off again.”

 

Loki shook his head and looked as if he was about to cry. "Never. I'll never leave. I gave up my throne for you and I'd do it a thousand times more if I needed to."

 

Thor’s eyelids are heavy now. “Stay here, for the night, please,” his words are a tired whisper. “Lie beside me.”

 

"They'll find us." Loki replied. He had shared Thor's bed before but they had always been careful never to be seen, no matter how much they wished to stay together for the night. With Thor's condition the healers would be in and out all night and they would certainly be caught. Still, he moved onto the bed and stretched out beside Thor, taking hold of his hands.

 

“If they ask, tell them that I was afraid to sleep alone, and found solace with you, my savior,” Thor’s words were slurring now, and he was rapidly falling asleep.

 

Loki sighed but didn't fight it. Instead he curled up around the familiar warmth that was Thor and tried to keep his sobs quiet so he wouldn't wake him. He cried with joy and relief and a deep sadness for all Thor had suffered before he cried himself dry and fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's smut in this one, be warned

Blue eyes opened the next morning to a startling wake-up call. Loki was gone from his side, and was instead in the doorway, talking urgently with a guard that Thor didn’t recognize. Looking him over, he noticed that he was wearing armor that had no business inside the palace. It was a city guard.

 

What was he doing here? Groggily, Thor pushed himself up and caught the tail end of the conversation.

 

“Yes, alright, we will be ready in ten minutes. Keep them chained.” Loki said, malice in his voice.

 

“Yes your highness,” the guard bowed his head and disappeared down the hall.

 

Loki turned on his heel, a bitter expression on his face. “The Warriors were just caught attempting to flee the city.” He said, “Although it is barely dawn, the trial is upon us.”

 

“They were trying to flee?” Thor repeated, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

 

Loki grinned and there was nothing benevolent about it. Everything about his demeanor screamed unadulterated resentment tinged with a tightly controlled sadism.  
  
"They know I am angry. They think I will sentence them to execution as they tried to do to me." he said gleefully.

 

“You won’t though,” Thor said carefully. “Ultimately, now that I have returned, it is not your decision. No matter what you feel, what they have done does not warrant death.” He threw off the covers and sat up, his legs mended over the night with a powerful magic. “You feel personally affronted because it was I who was taken, but you will not be allowed to sentence them to death.”

 

He began to root through his room for something proper to wear, his armor and cloak were still under re-construction.

 

Loki crossed his arms and frowned. "I never said I would. You're jumping to conclusions Thor, just as they did. I will see them punished but death is a harsh sentence for telling a lie."

 

Thor laughed at the irony as he finally found something suitable. Pulling on his best red tunic and black trousers, he fastened a temporary wine-colored cloak over his shoulders, slipped on his leather riding boots (he hated riding horses, he just thought they looked nice) and turned to face Loki, who was still dressed from the day before.

 

“Shall we go?” he asked, running a hand through his hair, which had been cleaned in the night.

 

Loki nodded and led the way. They entered the throne room (which was mostly empty, because it was so early in the morning) where the four warriors were in chains, standing before the empty throne. Loki's natural inclination was to sit down in his customary place but he held off and instead stood beside it, leaving the seat vacant for its true king.

 

Thor made a mental note to get another throne for Loki before sitting in his throne. Instantly he felt the warmth of its embrace, and he nearly wanted to cry. With a fond smile, he gazed at Mjolnir, who still sat untouched on the arm rest of the chair. He ran his fingers up her leather-bound shaft, feeling the familiar tingle of her energy, as if she was saying _I missed you_.

 

When he looked up again, his expression was hard, and he stared directly at his friends, who were all chained to the table with enchanted bindings.

 

“Sif,” he said, his tone sharp as he addressed them one by one, “Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg. You stand accused of spreading lies about my demise to the hands of the Frost Giants. How do you plead?”

 

"We only did what we thought was best for Asgard." Fandral said, already sounding as if he was pleading for his life.  
  
"That's not a plea." Loki said idly, leaning against the throne, arms crossed and eyebrow quirked in a look of mild interest, as though these were not the same people who had lied to him and made his life hell for all these months.  
  
"Guilty, your highness." Sif snapped, glaring at Loki. "But we lied only out of necessity."

 

“That, I find hard to believe.” Thor said, his hand coming to rest on the handle of his hammer for comfort, but it was perceived almost as a threat to his four friends sitting at the table. “What you did was correct, it would have been detrimental to Asgard to retrieve me. You were right in leaving me and fetching Loki to rule in my place. _That_ was best for Asgard and her peoples’ safety.” He crossed his legs now, and narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. “What I have trouble wrapping my head around is the fact that you seemed to think it alright to lie. To tell everyone that I was dead, to tell _Loki_ that I was killed. If you had not lied to him, perhaps he would not have broken into Jotunheim to retrieve me, and brought with him the possibility of war. Perhaps if he knew of my fate from the beginning, and he did not spend months grieving only to find out that I was indeed alive, he would not have felt the need to take me back.”

 

He knew this was all a lie, but he hoped that Loki had enough sense to keep quiet.

 

Loki rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut. He would have gone after Thor no matter what but he wasn't going to argue right now. Later he could make it very clear to Thor that he would never leave him behind but for now he stood silent and watched.  
  
"We couldn't be sure of Loki's mental state." Sif explained. "Or where his allegiances were. We did what the thought was best to negate any possible threat."

 

“Loki is a man, with a mind, with emotions, capable of making decisions.” Thor’s voice was booming now, “You don’t have the right to take away his ability to make decisions. Doing so is akin to slavery or mind control, and you know of the illegality of those practices here on Asgard.”

 

"We only wished to protect the kingdom." Fandral chimed in. Loki turned his gaze on him and the man immediately looked away, staring hard at Thor. "We apologize, your highness. Our intention was not to take anything from Loki."

 

“You _did_ take something from Loki. By taking his ability to make choices, you took away his power to learn, to ponder, and even to make mistakes. You took away his free will by lying to him, you set up a ring around him that you wouldn’t let him cross. You _trapped_ Loki in your lie.” Thor stood now, feeling too restless to sit. “I’d say holding Loki prisoner in your woven net of lies deserves punishment. Would you agree?” he addressed his friends.

 

The four warriors bowed their heads in shame and Loki wanted to cry with joy. For so long he had let them abuse him, had let them look down on his and treat him like he was nothing. He was happy to see them finally being put in their place.  
  
"Yes your highness." Volstagg said sadly.

 

“What would you suggest, Loki?” Thor asked, looking over at his brother, his lover, standing at his side now. “What do you think is a worthy punishment?”

 

Loki sneered, seeing them all flinch away in fear. They expected the worst and he would show them just how wrong they were. How wrong they had always been.  
  
"I say such conduct is unbecoming of warriors." he said, "I believe a fitting punishment would be to strip them of their rank and privileges. Give them jobs about the palace or in the city and let them earn back their place. Maybe it will teach them something."

 

Four sets of eyes snapped up to look at Loki, shock writ across their paled features. Surely they were expecting Loki to demand they be killed.

 

“That sounds befitting,” Thor agreed with a proud smile directed at Loki. “From this day until you have demonstrated true regret for your decisions, you will…” he thought for a moment. “Sif, you will work with the maids here in the palace. Which, yes, means wearing a dress.” He could hear Loki swallow a snicker. “Fandral, you will work in the royal stables. Volstagg, you will work with the royal blacksmith. And Hogun, you will work in the royal orchard. Any questions?”

 

They all mumbled quiet 'no sirs' before rising and being led out of the chamber. Sif threw Loki one last venomous look that could almost be described as traitorous before the door closed. Once they were alone Loki practically fell onto the throne he was laughing so hard.  
  
"Did you see the look on Sif's face when you said she would be a maid? Oh please have her serve me at dinner sometime Thor, it would be far too satisfying." he cackled.

 

“Maybe,” Thor’s tone was firm, but his eyes sparkled. “For now, I would like to go back to bed, and then at… noon, I would like to visit my city and its peoples. Also, I’ve got to plan the ceremony.”

 

“Ceremony?” Loki asked, sidling up beside his lover as they began the retreat back to their room.

 

“Indeed. To have you officially recognized as a citizen of Asgard again, and not to mention your promotion to chief advisor and head of the new council. Which, so far, consists of you. I need to make more friends…”

 

"Is that legal?" Loki asked, faltering a little and falling behind Thor. He ran a few steps to catch up with him. "I never finished my sentence on Earth nor have I been pardoned. Even if you did make me a citizen again the people will be outraged at giving me such a powerful position."

 

“Considering you single-handedly saved the King when the real council did nothing but spread lies?” Thor said, kicking off his boots as he collapsed over the bed, wriggling his way under the covers after dropping his cloak to the floor. “I’d say that’s worthy of keeping you by my side. The people were afraid you took the throne by force, but once they realize that you risked being killed to bring back the King, while fully knowing it would mean that I reclaimed the throne from you… they will have nothing left to fear.”

 

He smiled sadly at Loki, who still stood strangely at the side of the bed, expression skeptical. Thor out stretched his hand, “Now get in bed before I have to drag you in.”

 

Loki smiled and happily fell into bed beside Thor, letting the older man pull the covers over him and he huddled close to his side. He took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of Thor before exhaling a contented sigh. For the first time in over a century he felt like maybe things would turn out alright.

 

Thor threaded his fingers through Loki’s hair, feeling so content he could just cry.

 

“I’ve missed you. Like this,” his said, his voice a deep rumbling baritone. The silky feeling of Loki’s hair between his fingers was so familiar and _right_ , Thor couldn’t bear to stop.

 

Loki smiled lazily. Thor's voice reverberated in his chest and made him feel like he was finally, truly home. With a smile he closed the space between them and pressed his lips against Thor's.  
  
"I missed you too." he said, pulling back just enough to smile at him.

 

Thor lifted his hands to cradle Loki’s face, and he pulled him in again for another kiss. His chest was spreading wide open, it felt, warm and content, and he couldn’t identify the feeling exactly.

 

It was joy, he thought. Pure, unbridled joy, bursting into bloom within his body after so long being afraid it would never be there.

He realized that it’s the feeling he’s been missing for hundreds of years. The feeling of heaviness on his body has finally left him, and he’s weightless with bliss.

 

He seized Loki about the waist and hauled him up so he was lying completely on top of Thor before taking his chin and kissing him again, slow and deep and perfect.

 

Loki pulled back after a while and pressed his head under Thor's to nuzzle his neck. Thor's beard had been washed and trimmed but was still longer than it had been the last time they had gotten together. It was soft against Loki's cheek and he almost purred.  
  
"I love you." he whispered, remembering how much he had regretted not saying it before. "I love you and I should have said something a long time ago."

 

Thor thought he was almost going to cry. It was so beautiful, flawless, hearing those words coming from Loki’s mouth. Words that he thought he heard once upon a dream a thousand years ago, but now here they are and so real, right in front of him, and he _meant_ it.

 

“I know,” he whispered, running his thumb over Loki’s lip, and then across his cheek and up over his cheekbone. And just like that, his composure shattered into pieces.

 

Sitting up on the bed, Loki tumbled into his lap, and he wrapped both of his arms around him as tight and as far as they could go. He buried his face in Loki’s shoulder and started to cry.

 

He was comfortable like this, showing the fragile side of him that his people could never see. He cried for their lost years, he cried for how close he’d been to losing Loki, he cried for his suffering under the lies and delusions he’d been forcefed by people he thought were his allies.

 

He cried and cried, and held Loki so tightly he feared he might break him in half, but he was afraid if he let go for even a second Loki would disappear from his arms entirely.

 

The thick arms wrapped around him hurt and Loki could barely breathe but he wouldn't have pulled away for anything. He lifted his head and peppered kisses over Thor's face, kissing away as many of the tears as he could, despite his own dripping down his cheeks.  
  
"Stop crying, Thor." he ordered gently. "We are together now. We can lament over our lost time tomorrow. But today let's be together."

 

Thor lifted Loki’s face to his own and kissed him sweetly, the smaller man situated more comfortably in his lap cross-legged. He felt smaller hands wrap over his own as he stroked his mouth contentedly against his beloved’s.

 

His heart was aching with happiness, working its way in to replace the sorrow. He could hardly believe how long it had been since they had been together like this. Gentle touches and feathery kisses and warm stares.

 

He can hardly believe how long it’s been since they loved. 

 

Loki could feel it, in every touch of Thor's fingers or lips. He could feel the love radiating between them as he tugged Thor's tunic over his head and tossed it on the floor. His hands stroked the hard planes of his shoulders and arms and he imagined he could feel a small telepathic jolt, whispering Thor's love for him in every new inch he rediscovered.

 

Thor turned and released Loki on the sheets, pulling the covers up over his waist to cover their legs as he moved atop the smaller man.

 

He can feel his body warming up for the first time in a very, very long time. He’d been so cold, almost as icy as a Jotun, after so long being apart from his lover. He’d been crippled, for hundreds of years, a stifled version of himself. Even his merrymaking in Loki’s absence is paled in comparison to the golden rays shining off of him now.

 

He leans up, his hands on either side of Loki’s head, just so he can _look_ at him.

 

Every touch from Loki’s fingers seem to be cutting his skin wide open, and light and love are all radiating through. His elation is bleeding out of him in oceans from under every new sliver of his dried, sorrowful form that was peeled away, and underneath he was _glowing._

 

"You frighten me." Loki admitted quietly. He didn't sound scared or angry or withdrawn. It was probably the most truthful statement he had ever made in his life and for once it felt okay to be so open.  
  
"I don't think you would ever hurt me. But you're everything I could never be. You're perfection and it awes and terrifies me." Loki continued. He didn't say that looking at Thor now, with his golden body illuminated by the soft candle light, is like looking into the sun. He didn't say that all that warm, unbridled love, might be too much for his cold Jotun spirit and that he could never give as much love in return, even if he gave Thor all he possibly could.

 

“You’re everything I could never be, as well,” Thor said, and leaned down to kiss Loki’s brow, and his cheeks, and every part of his face and neck he could reach. “You are clever, and cunning, and calculating, you are smooth and careful, you are good with your words and you are unwaveringly brilliant. You are everything I can never be.”

 

He pushed up again to look at him.

 

“And I am all the things you will never be. But I think… I think that’s alright, because that means that _together_ , we make something perfect.”

 

Loki couldn't help laughing. It was so like Thor, to take their vast differences and twist them into something positive. He would never have admitted it before but he loved that about Thor. He was unwaveringly optimistic, no matter what happened to him.  
  
"I suppose that means we can never part." Loki said, decidedly not thinking through exactly what those words might mean. He was too tired to bother with those sorts of implications. It just felt right.

 

“We cannot,” Thor grinned, pressing the tip of his nose to Loki’s. “It would be like separating two halves of one whole.” His tone turned serious and his smile slipped. “We have already felt that loss for hundreds of years.”

 

Opening his eyes, he looked at Loki again. “And, in turn, we have experienced the joy that comes with being reunited. I will never let you go again.”

 

Loki replied by pulling Thor down on top of him again. He missed the warm bulk and familiar weight of Thor on his body, having been denied it so long. Thor still fit so perfectly on top of him and Loki sighed a little against his shoulder. He pressed kisses into the hard flesh, working his way to Thor's neck then up to his ear where he nipped at the fleshy lobe.

 

Thor gave a long, content sigh, threading his fingers through Loki’s hair again as the other man pushed his hair out of the way to gain access to more of his golden neck.

 

He situated himself more comfortably between Loki’s spread legs and captured his lips in a kiss that nearly bruised, kissing him and kissing him until they both forgot how to breathe. Loki’s airy moans and sighs between little nips and sucks had Thor’s body tightening up with memories of passionate nights, so long ago now it seemed like only a pleasant dream he had a thousand years ago. He needed more contact, and trailed his fingers up beneath Loki’s tunic, encouraging him to remove it.

 

Once nude on the upper half, Thor continued on, helping his lover to shimmy out of his trousers, before also discarding his own and tossing the cloth on the floor to mingle with the rest.

 

"I missed this." Loki sighed into Thor's ear. He kissed down Thor's jaw to his chin then pecked his lips again. His hands trailed lazily over the man's strong back, drawing nonsense patterns as he re-familiarized himself with the planes of muscle and bone. "I dreamed of this while you were gone."

 

Thor smiled lazily against Loki’s collarbone, and he gave a purring sort of laugh. “I was not the one who was gone, my love,” he said, purposefully tickling the man with his beard by rubbing his lips back and forth across his chest.

 

"You were gone from me." Loki said. He opened his legs a little wider so Thor fit more easily between them. He could feel himself growing slowly aroused at just the memory of all times he had had Thor like this in the past.

 

Thor felt the tears come back again, but he would not let them spill. He kissed Loki’s chest, kissed his ribs one by one, mapped every part of his body that he’d forgotten. The birthmark on his ribcage shaped like a fig leaf. The smallest of moles right beside his groin on his thigh. His nipples, perhaps just a little bit too long.

 

Golden fingers traced goose bumps down Loki’s sides, ending on his hips, kneading sweetly, thumbs outlining hip bones and tongue dipping into shallow navel.

 

Thor almost forgot what he tasted like.

 

Loki moaned, his eyes fluttering closed while Thor's tongue swept over his body. He had been denied such intimacy for so long that it would have been overwhelming if it had been any faster or more demanding. As it was the soft licks and kisses and nips felt like a reawakening. Like his body had been numb all this time and Thor was finally bringing him back. Each spot he touched tingled and warmed as if life was being returning to him.

 

Thor felt quite the same way, warmth spreading out over his form from his lips, from his fingertips. He continued to breathe life into Loki’s body, kissing his hips and his underbelly, disappearing under the covers entirely to kiss his thighs. He reveled in the way Loki pressed up against his mouth, the way his fingers creaked as they tightened around the sheets.

 

He cupped his hands over Loki’s hips and dragged his tongue in a slow, sweet stroke up the trickster’s thigh, humming as he did so, drowning in his flavor.

 

"Oh Thor..." Loki whimpered. Normally he would have been embarrassed by the sound but he didn't much care then. After all they had been through Thor deserved to hear just how much he loved the way his tongue felt against his skin.  
  
"More..." he breathed, reaching down to pet Thor's hair and urge him on.

 

He could hear the pleading, the desperation in Loki’s voice. He wanted this, needed this, or he was going to die. He knew the feeling, if they were to part at this moment, neither would live. Their hearts would break, would cease their beating.

 

This was necessary.

They _needed_ this.

 

He pressed his lips and his tongue and his teeth across Loki’s bare thighs, his stomach, his chest. He ran his fingers down his sides again, trailing now all the way to his knees and back up, spreading them and massaging his palms against Loki’s hips, over his chest. Every movement he made was gentle and fluid, and he worked and worked to touch every last inch of his pale body.

 

"Thor please." Loki begged. He loved the gentleness of Thor's hands on him. It was so different from all the other times they had been together which had always been too fast to really feel anything beyond the physical. This he could feel down to his soul. Thor's love for him echoed in every motion and touch.  
  
But damn it he needed more.  
  
He bucked his hips just a little, enough to make Thor notice. "Touch me. Please." he breathed.

 

Thor looked up into his beloved’s watery blue eyes, and he knew better than to refuse him. He could feel Loki’s hardness already rising up against his cheek.

 

Letting the covers fall once more, so Loki could not see, only feel, Thor enveloped the trickster’s length with his mouth, tasting the pulse and swallowing his desire, matched only by his own.

 

Loki gasped and instinctively thrust up into the enveloping heat. His eyes were wide and watering from the onslaught of feeling. His hands tightened in Thor's hair, not pulling but simply giving him something to hold onto so he didn't fall apart under those caressing lips.

 

Thor always was impressed with Loki’s girth, but it seemed time had not been kind to his jaw, as now he was nearly aching around the shaft within his mouth. He knew it was worth it, for Loki, for him as well, that pleasure and bliss swirling between them. That intimacy that they’d been starved of for so long. Thor actually had forgotten what it felt like to be aching with desire.

 

He forgot the tightness, the weightlessness, the desperation. He forget the heat and the volatility, he forgot how it felt like he was going to go up in flames.

 

So long, it had been, and he couldn’t imagine feeling this way with any being other than Loki. It was Loki’s right alone to make him feel this way, and Thor’s privilege to allow it. He hummed, content, sliding his lips down as far as they would go.

 

Panting Loki forced his lips to remain still, not wanting to push Thor too far too soon. He knew the other man was tired and stiff recovering from his injuries. Besides, he wanted to savor this. He wanted to take his time to bask in this feeling instead of rushing forward toward orgasm. He had done that before when he and Thor had been separated and he had still felt bitter towards the Asgardians. But every time he had only enjoyed the few moments of blissful unawareness before returning to reality, feeling hollowed out and cold.  
  
This was so different from that. Each moment they were together felt like hot liquid pouring into him, filling the emptiness he had created within himself. Thor was creating him anew and he was going to enjoy every minute of it.

 

Hot tears sprang to life in Thor’s eyes, but he wasn’t sad. He was happy, so completely happy that the happiness in him worked and churned around until it found itself an outlet, or he would surely explode.

 

It was happiness running down his cheeks, overwhelming happiness. He could feel Loki again, touch him and taste him and love him to the very barest sense of the word, as they always had. As they always wanted to, even when they could not.

 

He apologized to Loki with his body, with his fingers and his tongue. Pressed sweet apologies into his flesh, where words would be lost. This was the physical, this was remnants of a love that was nearly torn in two, being pieced back together by a pair of hearts that should have been too broken to try.

 

Loki reached down to cup Thor's cheek and gently urged him up off his cock. His body was already on fire with want though it was not the raging wild fire he was used to. It was a slow, low burn that he needed to smother with Thor's body against his.  
  
"I want more, Thor." he said. "I want us to complete each other."

 

Thor knew what Loki was referring to. He’d always believed firmly that any one person’s body was created by the Gods to perfectly fit against and into the body of their lover’s.

 

Loki’s body had always been a faultless fit for him.

 

He emerged from the covers and moved over Loki again, to look him deeply in the eyes. His cerulean hues were glowing with lust and love and anxiety. It had been so long since they coupled, so long since he’d forgotten all the spots on Loki’s body that made him squirm.

 

But looking at him now, his body laid out and willing to be taken, Thor realized that he never really forgot. Fingers moving to press at his inner thighs, lips moving to kiss at the pulse point at the corner of his jaw, Thor never really forgot.

 

He pressed his hardness to Loki’s belly, directly beside the trickster’s own, kissing him deep and slow and methodical.

 

Loki sighed into the kiss, his arms wrapping around Thor's neck. He could feel those large fingers traversing his skin, seeking out those long hidden places that drove Loki wild. He happily opened his legs to them, knees bending to make his body that much more accessible. He wanted to be open and available in all ways to his beloved so that they would finally piece themselves together again and become whole.  
  
Those fingers teased him, pressing against his thighs and the sensitive skin near his entrance making him moan around the tongue that was tasting every inch of his mouth. Feeling a little left out Loki reached down and wrapped his long fingers around Thor's throbbing cock. It was long and thick, just as he remembered, and heavy with blood as it rest against his palm.

 

Thor broke the conjunction of their mouths with a heavy groan, his hips rolling forward into the touch.

 

He’d had opportunities to be intimate since Loki’s departure.

If he’d ever actually bothered to count, he’d realize he had two hundred and four opportunities.

He’d turned down every woman who tried to charm her way into the king’s bed chambers, and even the few men.

 

It pained him to know  that Loki had not taken the same vow of abstinence during his stay on Midgard, but he knew too that it was not his place to tell Loki whom he could chose to be intimate with. Especially when they were realms apart, and believed not to be together again for centuries.

 

He had his kingly duties to distract himself from such carnal needs, while Loki had no purpose but to hide in Stark Tower and pretend he was feeling sorry about what he did in the past. He did not blame him, but it did not make it any easier.

 

There was nothing else he could do but remind Loki that his body fit against Thor’s, and no one else’s. He could only burn his body into his beloved’s so that he would never again want to stray to another man, another woman, so long as he lived. Their bodies coupled in a physical matrimony, combined in all the ways they used to be.

 

“ _I am going to take you Loki_ ,” he murmured, his lips against Loki’s ear, his voice like the growl of a lion. “ _I am going to take you this day, and you are going to be mine._ ”

 

 _"Yes."_ Loki hissed, head thrown back. _"I am yours."_  
  
There was nothing he wanted more than this. His body was aching for Thor and Thor alone. He wanted him there, to burn away the memories of all the others. To smother his mistakes and replace them with himself.  
  
He wanted Thor. Never again would he want anyone else if he could only have Thor now. His blood sang with his need for the man, making his heart cry for its other half. No one but Thor would do, not ever again. Not that they had in the first place.  
  
He had tried so many times to convince himself it was all a lie, that he and Thor had meant nothing, but the evidence was too clear. At the basest level all he was, was Thor's and Thor was his. They belonged to each other in a way so few would ever understand or accept or share.  
  
"Take me Thor. Never let me stray again." he ordered.

 

Thor was grateful for the oil and wick lamp at his bedside, and he dipped his fingers into the pot before covering himself with the slickness. His eyes never left Loki’s face, and they kissed again and again, little kisses with no expectations. Sharing little pecks, trading soft whispers as Thor prepared himself.

 

“You are going to feel this burn, Loki,” he warned as he took himself in hand, lined himself up and pressed forward. “And it will hurt, for a moment, and in that hurt you will remember that this is me, entering you and taking you and replacing all the others. Every other pair of lips, every other handful of hair and every other heartbeat. I’m taking you back with this burn, and you will never forget.”

 

He kissed Loki, and pushed.

 

Loki couldn't hold back a yelp. He could feel the burn as his muscles were stretched without the usual preparation and it hurt. But he did as Thor said and remembered who it was that was taking him and all that the pain symbolized.  
  
It was a cleansing, burning away all that remained of the others. Each little spike of pain when Thor pulled out and pushed back in was a little more redemption. This was what he needed now, to make him truly Thor's. Already he could feel the beginnings of pleasure beneath the pain and he couldn't have asked for anything more.

 

Thor was gentle at the beginning, Loki could feel the pain even without moving quickly. He knew this in the tension of his body, in the soreness and regret of his expression. He could see the tears forming in Loki’s eyes as he opened his mind and his body to everything Thor had to give him.

 

Loki’s nostrils flared and his head tipped back, and Thor knew they were getting closer to one another now. The pleasure he felt from the very moment he pressed into Loki was being slowly and steadily matched by his beloved’s own writhing form.

 

They were becoming one, here, like this, mingling on the sheets as Thor’s thrusts picked up little by little. The wooden bed frame creaking beneath them, Thor’s gasps matched by Loki’s moans. Climbing together.

 

"I love you." Loki whispered and it became a running litany. His lips never stopped forming the words though sometimes the volume went out of them. Again and again he said it, in his mind and to Thor as they climbed higher and higher together.  
  
Thor was moving faster now, sliding in and out of his body with ease as Loki adjusted to the size of him. The pain was nearly gone now, only a whisper left and Loki felt so free. The weight those memories had been lifted from him though he had never noticed its presence before. He could feel them creating something here, with every slide of flesh against flesh. They were building a new beginning for them both, something they could share with regret or guilt over the past.

 

Both of them were weeping openly, the overwhelming sensation coupled with the emotion behind every movement of their bodies together was too much for the pair. They kissed and whispered and loved each other quietly and louder and then softly again, gentle and rolling like waves. The true definition of lovemaking.

 

They rocked against one another, tandem binding, bodies mingling, words tumbling as they climbed beside one another, fingers linked and lips crushing and every part of their bodies belonging to one another.

 

Loki rocked his hips in time with Thor’s thrusts, wanting to make this experience as equal as possible. He wanted to give Thor as much as Thor gave him, to start their partnership on even ground. They would be one now, in all things, including this.  
  
"Take me." he whispered to Thor through his quiet sobs, breaking his previous mantra. "Tell me I'm yours. Claim me, please. I need it."

 

“You are mine,” Thor moaned as his body crashed into Loki’s again and again, their pleasure mounting. “You are mine, you are mine. You will forever be mine, no one will touch you again, no one will ever claim you. You are mine to touch, mine to have, mine to take, Loki, you are mine.”

 

"Yes, yours, yours," Loki groaned. He gripped Thor's back, his nails biting into flesh as wave after wave of pleasure rolled through him. "And you're mine. You're mine and I will never leave. No one will take you away from me again. You'll always be mine. You're mine and I love you."

 

They continued to rock with one another, their bodies joined, until bliss mounted and they achieved total harmony. The elusive simultaneous orgasm that they’d never before truly been able to attain. They muffled their cries of bliss into one another mouth as they continued to thrust against one another through their climax.

 

Their thrusts slowed, their bliss waned, and they were simply grinding slowly, languidly against each other, kissing deep and slow and perfect. Tears mingling on each other’s cheeks, love mingling in each other’s chests, fluids mingling on each other’s bodies.

 

They slowed to a stop but Loki held tight, not wanting Thor to pull away yet, not wanting to lose the connection. He had known this would be better than anything he had ever had before but he hadn't quite expected it to be so beautiful. He would never have guessed that he could feel this completely and truly happy.

 

Thor peppered kisses all over Loki’s face, over his nose and his eyelids and his lips and his cheeks, kissing away his tears and loving him, loving him so completely.

 

“I hereby vow,” he murmured, his voice tired and low and adoring. “To forever love you, Loki Laufeyson, unconditionally, as long as there is breath in my body and blood in my heart.”

 

Loki reached for Thor's hand and twined their fingers together.  
  
"I hereby vow," Loki repeated. "To cherish your love, Thor Odinson, and to never forget or take it for granted. I shall return that love with all that I can and never give myself to another."

 

“Now with the power vested in me,” Thor grinned. “I declare us pretend-married.”

 

Loki laughed and let Thor pull away, wincing as he slid out of him. He settled down on his side facing Thor, tucked under his chin with the larger man's arms wrapped around him.  
  
"It's better than a real marriage you oaf." he said into Thor's chest. "Because we get to set the rules. Things are always more fun when you make your own rules. Now go to sleep."

 

Thor closed his eyes beside Loki, their naked forms pressed against one another the covers pulled up to their chins. They laughed and petted one another until they fell asleep, limbs entwined and hearts even more so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end! I hope you all enjoyed it


End file.
